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Loss after suicide – GUILT and GRIEF

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  • November 27, 2025 at 2:16 pm #43180
    blueskies
    Participant

    I lost the love of my life 5 months ago. I am struggling to live with the what ifs – I didn’t understand suicide the way I now do. I feel like I missed signs. I feel like I didn’t treat certain things serious enough. A lot of people say the same things, it’s not my fault and there was nothing I could’ve done but I feel in my heart I could’ve done a lot more. If I knew what I know now I would’ve done it all so differently. Now they aren’t here anymore. I am a solo parent. They are my best friend and I took it all for granted. To grieve this way is something completely foreign to me. I do support groups, counseling regularly, I talk and talk daily to people about how I’m feeling and nothing seems to help me properly. I’m stuck in a place I don’t think I can ever get out of. To be in my 30s knowing I have to live without the love of my life is something I can’t accept and bear. I’m alone without them here. I am actively trying everything. Even though someone may resonate and understand what this somewhat feels like, it doesn’t change how I feel. And that’s what I’m struggling with. I don’t feel like this is ever going to get better. I’m completely shattered and broken. I don’t know what to do. I just want them to walk through the door one day and tell me this wasn’t real. I don’t want to try meds. I just want to try and be strong and carry on through this but I am completely lost and broken!

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  • November 27, 2025 at 4:33 pm #43181
    VM_Billie20
    Participant

    Hi @blueskies,
    I’m really grateful you reached out and shared so openly here. Your words show just how deeply you loved your partner and how enormous this loss is for you. Losing someone to suicide brings shock, confusion, guilt, and so many unanswered questions and the way you’ve described feeling shattered, lost, and overwhelmed makes complete sense in the circumstances you’re facing.

    You’re also carrying all of this while parenting on your own, holding both grief and responsibility at the same time. That is an enormous weight for one person, and the fact that you’re still reaching out, speaking with others, attending support groups and counselling these are all signs of strength, even if they don’t feel like progress right now.

    You mentioned feeling “stuck in a place” you can’t get out of, and I want to gently acknowledge that early grief especially suicide grief can feel frozen, unreal, and unbearable. Feeling like it will never get better is a common part of navigating pain that is still so raw. But feeling hopeless is not the same as being hopeless. The way you continue to show up, seek connection, and tell your story shows that a part of you is still reaching for support, even if it feels far away.
    Thank you so much for sharing, please know that you’re not alone here. This community is here for you.

    You are also very welcome to call Griefline’s Helpline on 1300 845 745 (8am – 8pm, 7 days (AEDT)), if you would like to have a friendly chat.

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