Losing mum

Hey Michelle,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m deeply sorry to read about the significant losses you have experienced and I’m sorry that you feel that you didn’t handle your mother’s illness very well. It sounds like you were dealing with a very stressful situation and that you did the best you could under difficult circumstances. You mentioned that you never got to tell your mum that you loved her, sometimes it can be helpful to write a letter to the person you’ve lost to tell them everything you wish you could have said when they were here. Some people find this to be a useful way to express their unsaid thoughts and feelings. Maybe worth a try?

You also mentioned that you haven’t found counselling helpful in the past, perhaps you could take a look at our resources on finding the right counsellor for you. There’s also a list of accredited counsellors. see here: https://griefline.org.au/get-help/find-a-grief-counsellor/

Alternatively, the Griefline bereavement support groups might be of interest to you. Take a look here: https://griefline.org.au/get-help/support-groups/

There’s also helpful resources on our website that can provide some tools and helpful tips to help you manage your grief: https://griefline.org.au/resources

Of course please do call the helpline between 8am – 8pm 7 days a week – 1300 845 745

Take care

Hi there Michellecee,

You have taken the first step to healing by sharing your story. One grief can be enough to overwhelm anyone but it sounds like you are dealing with multiple significant losses at once. Your feelings are completely valid and make sure you go easy on yourself in this time as you adjust to what your next steps will look like. I am a big believer of chapters in our lifetime and although this recent closing of a chapter can feel unbearable, the next chapter is around the corner. Take your time to heal but spend a bit of time to set some goals each day, whether that be daily, weekly or monthly. Now is a time for you to do what you can to feel supported, so lean on your support systems such as friends and other loved ones and designate time in your week to do the things that make you feel good.

I understand what you mean about Counselling not being super helpful in your past experiences, sometimes it comes down to timing or even the pairing of the help seeker and the counsellor. One very unhelpful interaction can be enough to deter someone. I would encourage trying to find a service or specific counsellor that you connect with, perhaps they have a similar demographic to you, maybe they can relate to your struggles, perhaps they are someone willing to challenge you. Whatever you need is personal and up to you but sharing, externalising and talking through what you are feeling and going through will always be helpful.

Sending you strength at this time and may I suggest the “Find a Grief Counsellor” section of the Get Help Page. There are resources available.