Lost and Lonely

Dear carlie,
That is my hope too.
Please keep looking after yourself.
ABC01

Dear carlie,
I know all to well the feeling of wanting time to turn back. I feel it nearly every day or propose a “Shoulda,coulda,woulda” thought in my mind.

Carlie you don’t need to move on. You just need to take it one day at a time. Or even one hour at a time. When they first leave,we almost get stuck in their last days,going over and over them. It is like trying to bargain for them. But it is a fight you can’t win. Your loss is so incredibly fresh,all you can do is feel everything you are feeling and doing what you need to, to get through that hour,that day. And it is okay just to do that. Cry, punch pillows, scream into one or write down everything that you are feeling,just to get them out of an already clugged head.
I don’t believe you will ever just move on. It isn’t capable because you are in pain and hurting from a valid loss.

Secondary loss is the things that happen after the initial loss. Your routine together is a secondary loss. And it hurts. You have lost your furry family member and you have lost their presence from your life.
But you haven’t lost their purpose. Your dogs purpose in your life was to love you, protect you and be your best friend. They are still your purpose. They have moulded you into who you are today. They are a part of the fibres of your being and that will not stop with their passing. Your dog taught you to be a better person and have kindness for creatures. They taught you how to laugh at the most ridiculous moments. They taught you to think about how to make another living beings life constantly better. And most importantly they have taught you about true unconditional love and the joy that comes from it. Your dog was pretty spectacular. And your love shines through your posts. Their purpose of meeting you,living their life with you and saying their last goodbye to you in this world, has and will always be an important one. Just so very hard now for you.

As your dog was such an important part of your life, time is the only thing that will help. It doesn’t help when you feel the way you do right now. But right now,your body and mind are so exhausted. The exhaustion will ease with time and more clarity will have a chance to come forward. So right now, just be who you need to be. And that is someone who has lost someone significantly precious to them. And let you emotions play out as they need to.

You are not doing anything right, you are not doing anything wrong. You are just dealing with their passing. The emotions are so intense and have every right to be. I wish I could say something to help ease your pain and sorrow. But you are not alone.

I have used the Griefline hotline and they have been very helpful in the moment. Call them if you need them. Beyond Blue has forums too. And a hotline too. You don’t need to do this alone. Researching grief helped me at the beginning,so I could understand what was happening to me. It doesn’t change the situation,but I at least understood that grief has cycles and waves. And that it affects your body aswell as your mind.

Sending you my empathy,but in a world where so many animals are unwanted or treated cruelly, I know yours was dearly loved and wanted. Reply back if you ever want to chat or just release what is on your mind.
ABC01

Dear carlie,

I just wanted to say how incredibly sorry I am that your beloved dog has passed.
I can empathise with how you are feeling your grief,but 100% understand that your grief is unique and yours alone.
All your feelings are valid. You are in shock right now and maybe for awhile.

It is important for you to look after yourself. Eat just one slice of toast,even if you don’t want to. Sleep when your body tells you too, exercise to get the adrenaline out and do something nice for yourself every day,like a hot chocolate,shower steamer/bath bomb ect.

When grief/shock first starts it is important to stay hydrated,drink plenty of hot drinks (decaf), and keep your stomach and chest area warm as shock can make you cold. And if things get too overwhelming for you emotionally,please see your gp and discuss what they can do to help you,even short term. There is no shame at all to ask for help right now. You need to sleep at least.

Our fur babies/family are essential parts of who we are and their loss affects us in such intensive ways. Your grief is valid,don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

But also remember,your love for your beloved dog is so Beautiful. So your grief and pain will be strong and hard. Don’t make any decisions until your mind state is calmer and clearer. Shock can confuse our thoughts and you don’t want to make decisions you may regret later or let it make your mind cycle with thoughts that you don’t need right now.

I am still struggling on my grief journey for my beloved cat. So all I can say is that I am here for you,sending a hug out to you and telling you to go at your own pace. Finding a way to memorialise your dog will come with time and photos&movies will get easier to see and watch with time. There is no correct way to grieve or a set timeline to have it done by.

Please know you will never forget them or be replaced, so don’t be scared of that. That place is locked in your heart,just for them and always will be.

Grief isn’t measured by how much you cry everyday,so if you find yourself having a calm moment,don’t allow the guilt to eat you up. You carry it every moment of the day. So please look after your health. Crying isn’t weakness,it is respect,for your dog and yourself.You are now without your love, and it is now living life without them that may feel like for awhile,you are just surviving the days,not being alive in them. That is okay too. Unfortunately there isn’t a light switch that you flick and it is over. Only time will help the healing.

I sincerely hope that you have people to talk too and can keep sharing your posts if you need too. Grief is never easy and some people may not know how to respond to it,so please don’t be discouraged if others don’t know what to say or do. But there is always someone out there who will talk too tou if you need it.

Please look after yourself and I am sorry you lost your loved family member.
ABC01