Grieving as a young person

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This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by Moon.

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October 22, 2023 at 5:45 pm #26757

scorpio2001
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Hi all,

I have lost two of the most important people in my life (like my second parents) within a year of each other. Devastated is an understatement. I feel like the tears will never end and I feel like a fundamentally sadder, more afraid, anxious person than I was before. I am pretty young to have experienced this loss and I feel incredibly isolated. I have a big social circle, but there is no one I know who has experienced any degree of loss. Most people haven’t really said sorry, or asked how I am, because they do not know what to say and/or they don’t want to deal with me being sad. They are just lacking in maturity and life experience really, which I understand. But I feel increadibly alone. I feel like I am carrying around a big mountain of devastation and sadness and fear also, about anyone else dying. I am isolating myself from everyone and basically locking myself away because either I feel too sad to do anything, or I feel like I am a burden/not fun to be around anymore. I really feel like just my presence makes people feel uncomfortable because they don’t know how to handle loss. However, when I spend time with older family and friends, I do not feel this way or have these experiences. It is just sad because I am so alone and so devastated. I am wondering, for other people who have also experienced loss at a young age, how did you deal with this? What is your advice for feeling so isolated/isolating yourself, and the loneliness of this experience?
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October 29, 2023 at 2:07 pm #26830

Moon
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Hi Scorpio, must be your birthday soon on top of everything as my middle son is a scorpio 2000. I hear what you are saying, not only as someone who lost their mother during childhood, but also as a parent watching my children deal with their siblings’ cancer and ultimately his loss, 18 months ago. He was 19, diagnosed at 10 years, so I, alongside my children know very well the test of friendship in difficult times. Fortunately they belonged to the wonderful charity Canteen who gave them lots of strategies how to tell their friends what they really needed. They were given little cards with simple messages to hand out like “please ask this… please don’t say that..” to help their friends know how to be helpful. I’m glad you have older generations around you who understand your grief, but it’s important to jump back into your youth, on your terms, at your pace. Not sure if the word ’emo’ is still used but that’s what I became at 12 yrs old, don’t recommend it, go for a walk without earphones and listen to the birds xx

October 28, 2023 at 6:59 pm #26828

VM-bluesky
Participant

Hi Scorpio2001,

You are very insightful to have identified some of the reasons behind both your own feelings and those of your peers. These feelings won’t last, but when they are impacting your daily life its wise to reach out for help (as you have done). Its often a good approach to do more of what is working and less of what isn’t. So perhaps consider spending some more time talking to those trusted older friends/family about your feelings as you start to process your grief. Its also important to look after your health, and some routine can give you a little break from the grief. So try EAST regularly – try to Eat healthily, get some Activity (even just going for a walk), try to get good Sleep and make Time to see close friends. It can be a good idea to talk to your GP too. There are a lot of support services out there, like Griefline, and you don’t have to go through this alone!

October 23, 2023 at 4:07 pm #26765

VM-yellowtulips
Participant

Hello Scorpio2001,

I’m sorry that you lost two special people, that sounds really difficult. I hear that you are feeling intense sadness and grief, which is completely understandable considering what you’ve been through. It sounds like the isolation you are feeling is a particularly challenging part of your grief… not feeling understood and supported by the people around you. As you mentioned, some people don’t really know how to respond to people who are grieving or know what to say or how to support them.

I’m including a link here to one of Griefline’s resources that discusses how to support yourself in your grief and many of the different ways people experience grief – https://griefline.org.au/resources/coping-with-grief/

It is brave of you to reach out for support here on the forums, we are here for you.
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Grieving as a young person

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