Home › Forums › G’day Line › Still hurting a year on
- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 2 months ago by gurindjiwoman.
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August 21, 2024 at 4:32 pm #33226trenParticipant
I don’t know if this belongs here, but I have to let it out somewhere. My partner ,who I fell deeply in love with, and I separated a year ago. An IVO was unjustly put in place and I breached it with a 3 hour phone call. There was no agression. I realise I broke the law and am consequently on a community work order. She gaslit me before the IVO implying we may reconcile while all the time seeing another and denying it. I ofcourse was hurt and confused as to why she would do such a thing. My problem is I cannot stop ruminating over it all a year later. I am depressed have anxiety and still wih for a reconcilliation or at least an apology or explanation. Sometimes the feelings get so intense I resort to alcoho; and drugs.
I feel like I can’t move on, am having difficulty finding anyone else due to living in a small town. I cannot go to my normal work as it involves me leaving the state. I’m a carerf for two elderly parents, Im in debt upto my eyeballs, I cannot pay the mortgage. I feel so lost and alone. -
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December 14, 2024 at 10:17 pm #35489gurindjiwomanParticipant
Hi @tren
I hear you loud and clear. I am so sorry that more members have not yet commented on this post. I feel that your post is important, and that your story deserves to be told and listened to without judgement. Do you have younger family members or close friends that you can lean on? Please continue to reach out to us – we will respond as promptly as we can.
I can relate, as I too have this silly thing called an interim intervention order (or in simple terms, a restraining order) put in place against me, a young woman, and it is there to ‘protect’ an older man that I once experienced feelings of attraction towards. This was put in place five years ago, by a complete and utter pig of a detective, and it is to remain for life! Having to go court, to a correctional facility, and being detained under the Mental Health Act three times in one year myself, was incredibly traumatising, excessive, and simply uncalled for. This entire situation of me experiencing feelings of attraction towards a grown man had been taken out of complete and utter context, and the courts and the police force made this situation sound way more dramatic that it actually was. I had never been in any trouble with the law prior to enduring these series of unfortunate events.
I have been there and done that with wishing that I could reconcile with this man – I have now accepted that I was trauma bonded to him. But if the truth be told, there is no reconciling with a child abuser and an undiagnosed narcissist, whose ex-wife is attached to his hip and condones, denies and lies about his behaviour consistently, in order not to disrupt the status quo. I don’t bother explaining the verbal, emotional and psychological turmoil that I faced from this man anymore, as when I did explain this situation on numerous occasions to lawyers, family members (who are, ironically, victims of abuse themselves) psychiatrists, and forensic psychologists, I was essentially told that I was ‘experiencing delusions,’ and I was subsequently given a diagnosis of Schizophrenia. I still to this day find this lazy diagnosing incredibly offensive and a serious insult to the abuse that I experienced.
Like yourself, I too experience Depression and Anxiety over the ‘protected person.’ But I also have recent a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder from a brilliant psychiatrist – who admitted to me that my diagnosis of Schizophrenia could have been a ‘mistake.’
I do apologise for going off on a tangent about myself. It wasn’t my intention to, but I just wanted you to know that there will always be someone who understands. Just know that your story matters.
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by gurindjiwoman.
- This reply was modified 2 months ago by gurindjiwoman.
August 22, 2024 at 7:05 pm #33238VM-laura070ParticipantHi Tren, I’m glad you did post about how you’re feeling at the moment, and I know how awful it can be to experience heartbreak and loneliness. It really sounds like you have a lot going on and it takes so much courage to open up when there are a lot of complex circumstances around these challenges. I can tell it’s all weighing really heavily on you and your separation has stayed with you even though a year has passed. It can be so hard to move on sometimes, especially when we’ve been very deeply in love and then feel blindsided by the break-up.
Have you been able to reach out to others in your life to let them know you are struggling right now? If you don’t feel you have anyone to talk to, you could chat to a GP about some options for extra support and other coping strategies to get you through this rough patch of anxiety and depression.
Your dedication to looking after your parents even though you have so much happening really shows how caring and strong you are, and I hope you can find a way to care for yourself as well during this time.
If you want to chat further then Griefline is available from 8am to 8pm, 7 days (AEDT), the phone number is 1300 845 745. The volunteers are there to listen and it’s all confidential. They can refer you to other services that might ease some of the pressure for you and help you to figure out a path forward. I know you feel alone and lost right now but there is support available and there will be better days ahead. Take care of yourself and keep reaching out.
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