Grateful but so heartbroken

[bigsmall88]

I had my baby girl, a beautiful and loving cavalier, for nine and a half years from 10 weeks old. She was the best friend I ever had, she would smush her little face into mine and want cuddles 24×7. She was the best part of my day, every day.
After turning 8, she started getting’s infections, had a heart murmur, and needed a lot of care until Jan 2026, she had surgery to fix her urinary infections, then needed more surgery shortly after for BOAS as her oxygen was so low. She passed away shortly after her second surgery from kidney failure. She passed away in my bed with me after the vet tried everything to keep her kidneys going, after lots of cuddles and kisses and after I told her it was alright to slip away, she went within 30 seconds.

I feel so grateful that I was given this perfect little dog and was able to be with her when she passed, in a place she loved to be, just the two of us.

But I feel so deeply heartbroken, even after these 7 weeks, every day I’m reminded of the space that she filled in my life – which she was the central part of. People say it gets better over time, but it took a month for the shock to settle and now I sob little a child almost every day. Even now when people ask about her its impossible to hide the emotions. I’ve not grieved like this before, ive lost family members which wasnt as deep a grief as this. Is this wrong? is something wrong with me?

Topic

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear @bigsmall88,

I have to go with @bigal. There is nothing wrong with you for hurting like that. I think perhaps it means that your heart is working just the way it is supposed to. For the loss of nine and a half years of deeply connected love to be healed in seven weeks, seems like a big ask. This may go up and down for some time, and swing between painful remembering and getting on with daily life. For most people, it settles down after a while, as you find ways to comfort yourself, and find a safe place for all those happy memories, and all that love.

Meanwhile, you are welcome to let us know here how you are getting along on your journey, and welcome to connect with a volunteer on the Helpline, if you feel up to it.

Kindness

[VM-Blizzy]

Dear bigsmall88.

Thank you for reaching out during this hard time. Over 9 years is a long time to have a pet and best friend and a little girl that comforts you and sleeps besides you.

Seeing her get sick would have been very hard for you and has made the grieving process longer. 7 weeks since she has passed is not that long, and although she was not a human, she was still very special in your life. Grieving her would probably hit you harder as you were with her all the time, and since she was a baby. This deep grief is very normal to have for a pet, as it can be similar to grieving a human best friend.

Go easy on yourself. Talking about her and the memories you have in a safe space where you feel at ease to cry can help process these emotions without judgement can help on the journey of healing. At Griefline we are here to listen to your story and provide support. Please feel free to reach out on our helpline: open from 9am-6pm on weekdays and 12pm-6pm on weekends (AEST).

You also might like to talk to a 24/7 pet support line, called ‘Pets and People’ on 1300 431 450 where you can be connected with bereavement counsellors.

Also, here is a resource on our website, under ‘Grief and loss resources’ that you might find helpful- https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/

Take care.

[bigal]

No there is nothing wrong with you. For me it has been 5 weeks since. I too have never experienced this level of grief before. Wishing you the best.

[Author]

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