Dear jankaw,
Thank you for reaching out. It takes immense courage to put some words down. You sound like you are in so much pain right now. We at Griefline are here listening.
The weight of losing your husband, is an experience that no one should have to carry alone. The squeezing in your heart is a normal physical symptom of the deep loss and love you had for your husband.
It is also very normal to have a year go past and the grief and feelings are still there. Grief does not have a timeframe, and everyone’s grieving process is different. For you, your world has changed forever, and other people cannot truly understand the love you had for your husband and the memories you carry.
NALAG is an organisation that you might find helpful that offer extra supports and that benefit lots of people: https://nalag.org.au/get-support/ or on 02 6882 922 where you can get support via telephone, online or face to face.
You also mentioned that only in death you will be with your husband. If you are feeling suicidal please reach out for support to Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Please go gentle with yourself and continue to reach out here, or if you are willing to, call our Griefline helpline on 1300 845 745. We are open from 9-6pm Mon-Fri and 12-6pm on Sat-Sun (AEST/AEDT).
Take Care.
