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do I go to their family gathering for my brother who has died

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Home › Forums › Loss of a loved one › do I go to their family gathering for my brother who has died

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  • July 25, 2026 at 9:13 am #44935
    tillysmum
    Participant

    my brother died this week. he was admitted to hospital sunday, went downhill quickly and died wednesday afternoon. no-one bothered to tell me what was happening till my niece rang me that evening. I am interstate so could not have been there but angry & upset I didn’t get to say goodbye to him. there would have been time on the car trip to the hospital when they were called in to ring me, give me a chance to tell them something say to him [he was still lucid].I last saw him when I visited in February, but had rung him mid June for a 1/2 hour chat.

    instead of a funeral there will be a gathering of family & close friends at his home. I will be the only one from my brother’s side except his 2 daughters with whom I’m not very close. the rest will be a big mob of people I don’t know from my sister-in-law’s side. I suspect it will just be an excuse for their family catchups.

    my brother was a fixture in waterskiing and there was a tribute video on youtube a couple of years ago which was lovely & sincere.

    I doubt that this gathering will be like that, but don’t want to wish later I’d gone!!! I have no-one to share my grief with.

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  • July 25, 2026 at 8:08 pm #44943
    tillysmum
    Participant

    thank you so much Rose 2301 for your thoughtful reply.
    I had been leaning to going – for closure, will get to see my brother’s urn. There’s also someone I would like to meet, a nephew-in-law who genuinely cared about my brother.

    then I just got this email from my middle aged niece in response to an email I’d sent when she needed our parents’ full names:

    Thank you 💚
    We haven’t decided on a date yet for dad’s wake/farewell … I will let you know as soon as we do.
    I’ve just read Daughter of Chaos and Daughter of fate by A S Webb. Really enjoyed them, enough to recommend.

    we do recommend books we’ve read – but this is so totally inappropriate!!!!!

    July 25, 2026 at 4:26 pm #44939
    VM-Rose2301
    Participant

    Dear tillysmum,
    Thank you for telling us your story. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Everything sounds like it happened extremely quickly, and it seems that you feel both sad and also unsure about attending the family gathering. It also sounds like you are anxious about other people catching up with each other while you are the only one there to remember your brother. It is understandable that you may feel alone in your grief. Also, I am wondering what feels important to you about being present at the gathering. Is there something you would prefer to do or say that could enable you to honour your brother?
    If you do choose to go, it may be beneficial to be kind to yourself. If it turns out to be a bit much, you could go out for a couple of minutes, take a deep breath and also find a peaceful place for yourself. There is no wrong or right way to grieve. Also, you said that you feel like there could be no one to express your pain with afterwards. I wonder if there is anyone you trust and you could approach them, even just for a quick talk?

    Thanks again for contacting Griefline. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Our support service is open Monday to Friday 9:00am to 6:00pm (Victorian time) and Saturday and Sunday 12:00pm to 6:00pm (Victorian time). We are here when you need someone to listen.

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