Overwhelmed

I had to palliate my dad at home as he didn’t want to go back to hospital again. I knew a while ago he was dying but my mother was in complete denial. My mother and sister don’t believe in western medicine and unbeknownst to me, they made him stop his prescribed medications to slow symptom progression and they made him take all this organic shit! Drs gave him 6-12 months. He didn’t even last 6 weeks! I only found out about this when he told me a few weeks before he died that they did this! By then it was too late. My mother also hates morphine as she feels that it kills you! My dad was too scared to take it in fear of upsetting mum so he bloody well suffered for a long time before I got involved. He died 4 weeks ago. I’m devastated! I had to insert a subcut line in him and give him morphine and midazolam around the clock for the last 4 days of his life (I’m a registered nurse and we didn’t have time to arrange a palliative care team as he went too quickly). I also had to arrange suction from the hospital due to bodily secretions which was highly stressful. It was so traumatic. On top of that, my 17 yo daughter has been speaking to me absurdly and my husband is emotionally non supportive. I blame my mother and sister for dads premature death and I’m alone and isolated in my grief. My husband asked me the other day “why are you crying? What’s wrong with you”…. Well my dad died 3 weeks ago that’s what’s wrong! I feel like joining him!