Falling in love not long before she passed

Hello, my name is Pete and I’m 37 years old. My friend who became my partner passed away on the 18th of December 2025. I met her in March of 2025 in the forest an hour away from my place and she was looking to move to my area, which she did a month later and was house-sitting on the other side of town. She had told me she had some lung issues and breathing problems and it was hard to find a place that didn’t aggravate her lungs due to fragrance and smells and the current place was no good. My home is fragrance free and has been for years so despite us both wanting to live alone (I have lived alone for most of the last 11 years) we decided to give it a shot as it was only meant to be short term while she gets going again and I was happy to assist her.

It turned out to be lung cancer (very rare for someone her age) so I told her she can stay at my place for as long as she needs. Her condition deteriorated and the cancer moved into her body and spine for the last few months. We ended up falling in love (which both of us had sworn we would never do again – I was 7 years happily single!) a couple of months before she passed and even though it was only a short time, it has left me shattered. Even before things took a romantic turn, we were spending hours and hours together everyday and I would make sure to get her up every morning for a walk in the forest while she was still able to walk. We were living optimistically and making the most of our time together but she had been approved for Voluntary Assisted Dying as her condition was quite severe and advanced. Eventually the pain and lack of mobility became too much so on the night of the 18th she “dropped the body” as she always put it and I watched her go.

I’m pretty lost now, I have lived a very reclusive life out in the hills and to have been opened up to love and companionship only for it to end so quickly has me hurting. Some of the best memories of my life have been in these last 9 months with her. We would spend hours and hours out in nature barely talking and neither of us wanting to leave. Even when things deteriorated, we would still find flat walks where we could walk barefoot because putting shoes on was getting too hard and her lungs and body struggled with slopes. When we weren’t getting out for walks anymore, we would still dance slowly around the house and when she couldn’t get out of bed anymore, we were still always holding each other.

I will love her always and hope I can find a way to cope.