Loss of my child and my world around it

I don’t know who I am anymore.
I’m a mother, but I wake up to one less child everyday.
He was taken so suddenly from me with no notice.
He was here one minute and gone 6 later, I still don’t know why, how life can be so cruel, I got almost 7 years with him to see him grow to watch this vibrant loving little boy light up a room.
He hated being sad or seeing people unhappy and here I am left masking everyday, trying to smile for his twin and older brother and doing it alone.
I have friends and supports but each night I lay with his teddy alone and yearn for it to be a nightmare.
I dont know what I’m expecting from this, its been 7 months since I lost the absolute light of my life and I just dont see an end to the physical pain I feel in my heart everyday waking up knowing hes no longer standing next to me.

• This topic was modified 1 day, 14 hours ago by lilliam.
• This topic was modified 1 day, 14 hours ago by lilliam.