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Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 458 total)
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  • in reply to: My story #19381
    Sanj
    Participant

    Nights are really dark for me now, during the day I am on auto pilot, when I am alone or night time, images of memories flash in my mind none stop, nights are the hardest

    in reply to: My story #19380
    Sanj
    Participant

    Everyone is sleeping in my house, I am wide awake thanks for your support I will try out those resources. I hope I will have better days, I lost interest in everything, at the moment all I can think about is this pain to go away. I am hurting inside really bad at the moment, I know others gone through this sort of thing learned how to cope. I hope I can do the same. thank you for your support

    in reply to: My story #19378
    Nic76
    Participant

    @Sanj, I am very sorry to hear your family is going through such a difficult time. I myself had BC and i understand the rollercoaster emotionally as well as physically that it takes. My children at the time of my diagnosis were newborn baby (1 week old) and and 8 year old and the uncertain future in their lives was a very difficult obstacle. They are now 19 and 11 and so far so good cancer wise. Its ok to feel lost and unsure of how to push through. I honeslty had to break that time down into one day at a time – i would seriously say out loud to myself, its just one day at a time. Dont feel like you always have to be strong – even for your wife and daughter- being human and showing your scared makes you real and will show them that is ok for them to break down too. Trust me you wont live in that space, but its good to recognise it. If you ever want to unload shoot me a message, happy to be a sounding board. x

    in reply to: My story #19377
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Sanj, my heart goes out to you at this frightening and uncertain time.

    And my heart dropped when I saw that our community were unable to share any insights or suggestions to support you. Please know that we at Griefline are here for you now and all the way through this very difficult time.

    It sounds like you have a very precious bond with your wife and a rare love and admiration for her. No doubt your love and support is helping her navigate the shock of the diagnosis and challenges of treatment.

    How have you been holding up since you last posted? We would not blame you if you’ve dropped your brave face – after all you are only human. And your grief deserves to be witnessed. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable and real in front of your beloved wife – even if you just block out half an hour …or half a day to cry and express your sorrow. Scheduling in time to let your grief out allows you to continue with your responsibilities while acknowledging the profound pain you are going through. Its very likely your beautiful wife recognises the turmoil you’re experiencing anyway – she knows you and your love so well.

    It sounds like your daughter is suffering also. At this time, providing comfort and reassurance and maintaining the routines which have been in place is the best way to support her. Routines will provide her with a sense of security and predictability. When grief issues are recognised particularly within a safe, open and sensitive manner, children and teenagers may not feel so alone or disengaged from their family, friends, social groups or at school. We have more information regarding Grief and Loss For Children and Adolescents here on our Resource Hub; https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-and-loss-for-children/

    And finally, we would like to help you get back into a healthy sleeping pattern as this will assist you to continue supporting your wife. Our article on dealing with insomnia may be of help; https://griefline.org.au/resources/dealing-with-insomnia/


    @Sanj
    , we hope you will respond to let us know whats happening for you this week. Remember that the Griefline team are always here for you.

    in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #19253
    kimberleyday
    Participant

    I lost my grandmother three weeks ago, which has impacted me profoundly. Growing up, my parents were quite dysfunctional and my grandmother stepped in and was essentially the parent figure that neither of my parents really were. Losing her has felt like losing a parent. I feel orphaned, in a sense; my parents have essentially cut off all our other relatives and I feel a deep sense of loneliness. In addition to losing her, I feel like I have lost a sense of home, a sense of roots, a sense of family.

    Her health deterioration and hospitalisation were withheld from me by my parents–until three days before she passed. This resulted in me not having sufficient time to make it home and see her before she died, which felt cruel. She died while I was waiting in hotel quarantine for my PCR results to come through.Indirectly, my parents had denied me a chance to say goodbye to her one last time. I spent the rest of the 14 days in hotel quarantine waiting to be released in order to attend her funeral.

    There are moments were the grief is extreme to the point of hyperventilation, but most of the time it is a heaviness and a sense of stinging pain that I carry with me at every moment. I’m not sure about where I’m at–I am functional most of the time, but feel disconnected to reality, numb, and empty inside.

    • This reply was modified 2 days, 19 hours ago by kimberleyday.
    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #19176
    Sanj
    Participant

    Couple of days ago my wife for last 24 years have been diagnosed re occurrence of stage 4 breast cancer. We just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. I find it incredibly hard to cope at the moment although I am putting on a brave face for my 16 year old daughter and for my wife. I am falling a part inside. I love my wide dearly, she is the love of my life, she is the most kindest and most beautiful person in the world to me. She has been part of my life for last 26 years I am turning 52 this year. we always talked about growing old together now though of not having her in my life is breaking me down, I am num at the moment and lost interest in everything, my daughter asking me is mum going to be there for her graduation It is breaking my hart at the moment. I don’t know what to do, very little help around me, I feel so alone and trying to stay strong for everyone, I locked in the toilet and cried almost all night, I am lucky to get two hours sleep at the moment. I would like to hear from people who has gone through similar situations, I don’t know what to do at the moment

    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Ros, welcome to the forums. And thank you for your beautiful message of empathy and compassion to @Deb. Posts like these epitomise what the forums are all about – connecting with others through a shared experience and finding comfort knowing that we are not alone in our pain.
    Our hearts go out to you also for the loss of your adored husband. It sounds like you shared a ‘bubble’ of love with each other and your little dog – which is something so precious. You talk about the crushing loneliness you are feeling, and we want you to know that losing a spouse has been shown as the leading cause of chronic loneliness in people – made worse when we have nursed them through a long illness. But the fact that you have 2 wonderful friends so dedicated to you is a very good thing and speaks volumes about you as a person. You might also consider joining Griefline’s Care to Call program where we connect you with one of our caring volunteer supporters. They’ll give you a ring once a week for a chat. What you chat about and how long for is completely up to you. For more details take a look at the webpage here; https://griefline.org.au/get-help/care-to-call/
    You talk about working until you’re exhausted which is a common coping mechanism in grief. It’s a way for us to avoid sitting with the loss. And that’s OK for now. Your loss is still very recent and you may need a little more time before you feel ready to start processing it. Likewise, your uncontrolled crying is a natural coping mechanism. Remember we all have our own unique way of grieving and this is yours. Be gentle on yourself. Treat yourself as you would a friend… if you think you’re working yourself too hard perhaps give yourself a gentle talking to – it might be time for a sit down with a cuppa. And you could try some self-care exercises like the ones here on our rest and relaxation page. We particularly like the ‘Reflecting on Positive Experiences’ exercise ☺️

    Tools For Rest and Relaxation



    @Ros
    your kind words to @Deb were “It is comforting to all of us who are grieving to know that others do care.” We want you to know that we care for you too…and are here for you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are faring. 🌸

    in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #19170
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @jbirdyyyy
    Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your experience with us here. Our hearts go out to you for the multiple losses you have experienced in your life. There is a lot of trauma and grief in your story and we are sorry this happened to you. Your story speaks of so much love – the love your grandmother, Alexa and Jack gave to you and the love you returned. We feel sure you did everything you could for them. We also feel certain they would want you to live a full life that honours both yourself and them…

    You wrote in a post that you dont know how you’ll move on without them so we want to share with you some guidance from Robert Neimeyer who is a renowned grief expert;

    “How do we move forward in a life without them?

    Ask yourself what might I do now that they would take pride in?

    Sometimes the question of finding meaning in life is not answered with a single, grand answer; it comes in a hundred little instalments.

    Ask yourself every day, “What is one small thing I can do today that would make them proud?” Then do that thing.

    Perhaps it’s organising your study or wardrobe, planting a flower, venturing out of your home for a walk, lending a hand to a friend or neighbour…

    Once you’ve achieved it reflect back on the progress you’re making and keep them updated too.”
    Though they are no longer here in person, your connection with each of them will always remain. Coping with the loss of loved ones doesn’t mean you have to ‘accept’ the loss nor ‘move on’. Healthy grief involves developing a new, different and ongoing connection with that person.

    By practicing ‘continuing bonds’ you can allow yourself to visualise, reminisce and daydream about your grandmother, Alexa and Jack. You might like to talk to them or write letters. Your grandmother helped you through a lot so when you are troubled or facing challenges perhaps think about what she would have done or even ask her …by taking on her perspective the answers might come to you.

    It’s clear that you have come through some very difficult times in your life. You show incredible resilience to do this and a loving heart. Both of which are wonderful strengths. When we are grieving we often lose sight of our strengths but these are our superpowers for adapting to loss. So take a look at this article on our Resource Hub; ‘In Search of Lost Strengths’. It will help to illuminate more of your inner and outer strengths to get you through.

    Grief Recovery Part 1: In Search of Lost Strengths



    @jbirdyyyy
    – we hope you find these resources helpful and comforting in some way. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are feeling. We are here for you. 🌸

    in reply to: I Lost Two of My Best Friends and I Don’t Know What to Do #19169
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @jbirdyyyy
    Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your experience with us here. Our hearts go out to you for the multiple losses you have experienced in your life. There is a lot of trauma and grief in your story and we are sorry this happened to you. Your story speaks of so much love – the love your grandmother, Alexa and Jack gave to you and the love you returned. We feel sure you did everything you could for them. We also feel certain they would want you to live a full life that honours both yourself and them…

    You wrote in a post that you dont know how you’ll move on without them so we want to share with you some guidance from Robert Neimeyer who is a renowned grief expert;

    “How do we move forward in a life without them?

    Ask yourself what might I do now that they would take pride in?

    Sometimes the question of finding meaning in life is not answered with a single, grand answer; it comes in a hundred little instalments.

    Ask yourself every day, “What is one small thing I can do today that would make them proud?” Then do that thing.

    Perhaps it’s organising your study or wardrobe, planting a flower, venturing out of your home for a walk, lending a hand to a friend or neighbour…

    Once you’ve achieved it reflect back on the progress you’re making and keep them updated too.”
    Though they are no longer here in person, your connection with each of them will always remain. Coping with the loss of loved ones doesn’t mean you have to ‘accept’ the loss nor ‘move on’. Healthy grief involves developing a new, different and ongoing connection with that person.

    By practicing ‘continuing bonds’ you can allow yourself to visualise, reminisce and daydream about your grandmother, Alexa and Jack. You might like to talk to them or write letters. Your grandmother helped you through a lot so when you are troubled or facing challenges perhaps think about what she would have done or even ask her …by taking on her perspective the answers might come to you.

    It’s clear that you have come through some very difficult times in your life. You show incredible resilience to do this and a loving heart. Both of which are wonderful strengths. When we are grieving we often lose sight of our strengths but these are our superpowers for adapting to loss. So take a look at this article on our Resource Hub; ‘In Search of Lost Strengths’. It will help to illuminate more of your inner and outer strengths to get you through.

    Grief Recovery Part 1: In Search of Lost Strengths



    @jbirdyyyy
    – we hope you find these resources helpful and comforting in some way. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are feeling. We are here for you. 🌸

    in reply to: Relationship break up #19148
    Finster88
    Participant

    Thanks Leigh for replying.

    I’ve actually been actively doing things and meeting new people – have found two new friends who know the situation and have been incredibly supportive as they went through the same instance.
    I’m enjoying doing things for me and I’m so optimistic that I will find my person.

    Have you tried seeing a counsellor?

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 458 total)
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