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  • in reply to: Loss of a loved one #15683
    dpowell3840
    Participant

    Hi everyone
    I have never done this before. I am desperate . 17 years ago I watched my father pass away from a 11 year battle with cancer. I had no friends to support me. Less than 4 months ago I unexpectedly watched my Mum pass away. It was sudden but not sudden.

    I am struggling at the moment. My friends are too busy or don’t want to know. I have tried to reach out to people but no one has responded. I am not partnered, no kids. People that are in my life are too busy or don’t want to talk about death. I am not even 40 years old.

    I just don’t know what to do. I am seeing a psychologist but due to lockdown, appointments, work, etc I haven’t seen her nearly two months and earliest I can see her is 30th June.

    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #15682
    Imogen23
    Participant

    My Mum died on the 4th June from a non-detected Heart Disease she never knew she had. She didn’t die in pain to her she would of thought she had just fainted. She died on a normal day but i didn’t see her that day. So i didn’t get to say goodbye. Luckily she never knew about this disease which has given me some peace as if she did she would of never done some amazing thing including a coast to coast walk in England. What i need help in is my emotions i haven’t been able to grieve or cry much as we were just going and preparing for the funeral. Now thats over i still feel empty and lost no sadness yet. My mum left behind her husband my dad who is sad. Im 26 years old. My mum was supposed to celebrate her 58th birthday on July 3rd. my mum was my role model and my best friend. i need help.

    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #15681
    Bec
    Participant

    Feeling so sad… I wonder what I could have done differently… my sister was so mentally unwell and had spoken of suicide for years. I had always said that she was “all talk”… and now I cannot believe how wrong I was.

    in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #15680
    Nessa
    Participant

    Thank you for your message but I am so lost nothing seems to help. I feel like I am in such a dark place and I can’t see it getting any better. I miss my husband so much. Today I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t eat. I can’t do anything. When does it get any easier because it’s not. I cannot seem to come to terms with him not coming home. I still expect him to walk in the door. I feel wretched and feel like I am letting my daughters down as well as my husband. He would not want me to be this sad. But we were so close. He was my world. I feel like I cannot function without him. How do I get out of bed each day cause I don’t even want to wake up. How do I keep doing this day after day after day?

    in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #15646
    mdr1969
    Participant

    Hi Chellie,
    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and hear and feel you. Please reach out to talk if you feel you need someone to talk to.
    The absolute shock of losing your husband the way you have must be so difficult for you to deal with. You really show such great inner strength and are trying so very hard to cope the best ways you can on a day to day basis.
    I lost my partner suddenly some years ago. He died in a motorcycle accident and when I received that call it felt like my world had ended. The first few days and weeks I had a great deal of inner circle support but slowly I felt like I was oversharing and pushing away those close to me with my sadness.
    I delved into work and tried to occupy my time and all of sudden fell in a heap and could not function.
    I reached out for external support from a psychologist and although it took some time began to deal with my grief. I no longer set my watch on other peoples time lines. If I needed to cry, I cried. If I needed to just sit with my grief I did. I remember days when I just did not move and stayed in bed for the day and just watched tv. I had endless showers where an infinite torrent of tears were shed. I really began looking at me and how I needed to deal with my grief and less about what others think or believed I should do. After all this was my grief and my grief alone and none else was could really understand the depth of how I was feeling.
    Just in regards to you moving right now, take your time to make such huge decisions. These decisions eventually will be made when you are ready to make them and please follow your gut instinct.
    You are an amazing woman and I have to take my hat off to you. Please know that you are supported.

    in reply to: Loss of a ‘Soul-Mate’ Best Friend #15641
    GL friend
    Participant

    Hi V A Bolton, im so sorry to hear about your loss. We seldom find people who are like soul mates to us.

    It sounds like you were both there for eachother and her absence in your life is deeply felt.

    Allow yourself to feel this pain and cherish those beautiful memories as I know you are. I wish no one had to go through this pain

    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #15611
    V A Bolton
    Participant

    Hello I recently lost my best friend Ellen only two weeks ago from being a chronic alcoholic and had no family living here in Melbourne, Australia and feel a bit isolated and lonely as she was like a ‘soulmate’ to me as we discussed many issues together and I also took care of her when she was unable to take proper care of herself in her own home.

    in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #15553
    Chellie
    Participant

    I lost my husband towards the end of last year. It was extremely sudden. One day he went to work, had a massive stroke and never came home.
    I remain devastated. We were extremely close. We were together for approximately thirty years. We raised two children together and now was supposed to be our time.
    The last two weeks have seen me at my absolute lowest. So low that I don’t want to see if there is any lower. I feel lost and alone. I am overwhelmed with sadness for both myself and my husband. I still expect to see or hear him walk through the door.
    I rely heavily on my young adult children but also thought I could rely on friends. But nobody seems to get it. The ones that I thought would are the ones that think I should be just keeping busy, going back to work, moving on. My biggest accomplishment at the moment is getting up each morning. How do I ‘move on’ when I feel so empty and lost, when I can’t get through a day with out breaking down in sobs.
    Friends tell me that I will have to leave the small town in which I met my husband, we married, bought a house, raised our children and lived happily for the time that we have been together. So then, not only will I still be feeling lost and alone but I will also not feel like I belong and I will not have so many lovely (and not so lovely) memories all around me. Everything that we worked so hard for is here in front of me. I feel I have already lost so much, my future, a relationship that I felt could survive anything and also my career (as I have been unable to head back to work as yet). If I were to move away from our home for the last three decades truly leaves me with very little to grasp onto other than the precious memories.
    I try everything to help me through this difficult time. I keep myself extremely busy. So busy I can’t sit still. I have learnt to meditate, practise mindfulness, journal, walk, listen to music (loudly), garden, honour my husband in ways that many wouldn’t understand, see a psychologist regularly but still the grief overwhelms me. My husband was my hero, he was my sounding board, he was my best friend. I am frightened of how much his loss has truly effected me and how I continue to live a life without him. At the moment I cannot see any happiness without him here to share it with.

    in reply to: No contact with adult children #15552
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @slevis1, welcome to the forums. Thank you for sharing your story. Our hearts go out to you – it sounds like you’re experiencing real heartache as a result of the loss of relationships with two of your children.

    It might help you to feel less alone in your experience by knowing that Griefline receives many calls from people like you – struggling to cope with the grief caused by estranged relationships. Parental divorce is often a key driver. And missing out on milestones in your son and daughter’s lives must be particularly painful.

    What you are experiencing is an ambiguous loss. As a living loss it results in a lack of clarity and closure which can be very debilitating. The occasional glimpses into your estranged children’s lives or morsels of contact can leave you in a perpetual cycle of hurt and confusion, with moments of hope swallowed by frustration and anger. It can be a really hard road to travel. We are so glad you have reached out to the forums for some support and understanding.

    Sometimes, when your grief feels overwhelming it can be helpful to focus in on what’s good in your life such as the connection you have with your other son and daughter. And to recognise the strengths you have called on over the years to nurture and maintain these relationships. Your love and persistence to send cards and your bravery to make the hard decisions you had to make are some of the strengths you can call on to get you through this grief.

    Some other tips on coping with estrangement are;
    • seeking the support of others who understand your estrangement distress,
    • treasuring the close relationships you do have,
    • and talking with a therapist if your estrangement distress becomes unmanageable, or you need advice on steps towards reconciliation.

    We’d also like to refer you to our info page on relationship loss here on our resource hub for some additional info on this type of loss.

    Perhaps others in our community can suggest more ways to cope. We are glad you are part of the community @slevis1. Keep in touch. We are here for you. 🌸

    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #15551
    slevis1
    Participant

    I guess mine is a different kind of grief. I have 4 adult children. Two don’t have any contact with me. I send birthday and Christmas messages and get no replies. I went through an acrimonious divorce 29 years ago. I didn’t get custody of my children. I’ve done everything since I left to stay in contact. My son recently got engaged and didn’t tell me. One daughter has been married now for over 3 years and did the same. I wasn’t able to go to her wedding. I’m not a bad person, I just left their Father in difficult circumstances. Their Father doesn’t willingly speak to me or communicate. So this makes me feel like I have lost them forever. My youngest is Autistic and I see him and one daughter. The daughter that speaks to me is also ostracised by her Father and the extended family, as well as her sister and brother. I had hoped when the children got older they would come to understand the difficult decisions I had to make.

    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Kerry, a very warm welcome to the forums. We wanted to thank you for your empathetic and helpful post in response to @BabyMushu’s. Your suggestions for ways to continue bonds with a pet just as you have done with your beloved dog was really insightful. It’s amazing how therapeutic it can be to enjoy those precious memories and we agree, it’s so important to keep their memory alive. Back in late March, you mentioned that you were finding things tough and not sleeping well. We wanted to check-in and see how you are faring now…if you are still struggling with sleep perhaps take a look at this article Tips to Improve Sleep from the Griefline Resource Hub.
    Hopefully just knowing you are helping others by sharing your experience brings you some light in your day.
    We’d love to hear how you are going. We’re here for you. 🌸

    in reply to: Loss of a pet #15539
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @BabyMushu, we wanted to check in with you following your post expressing your anguish over the loss of your beloved cat Mushu. Our hearts go out to you for your sudden and unexpected loss. He sounds like a gorgeous little furry soul who brought you, your daughter and partner so much affection and joy. We understand that the loss of a companion animal can be devastating especially one that has become an integral part of your family. We hope that you were able to find some solace in @Kerry’s beautiful post in response to yours. She shared some wonderful tips for continuing the bond with a companion animal. In case you missed it, here is the link https://griefline.org.au/online-forums/topic/the-death-of-a-pet-can-hurt-as-much-as-the-loss-of-a-relative/#post-15516 .
    You might also be helped by the self-care activities on our Mindfulness for Grief page. They include simple instructions for journaling and mindful breathing along with a meditation by Smiling Minds. Sometimes we look past this type of self-care tool in search of something more concrete when really we need to take the time to be kind to ourselves and allow for some moments of peace. Here is the link to access these.

    @BabyMushu
    , we would love to hear how you are going and whether you have been able to find some light in your days again? We are here for you. 🌸

    in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #15538
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Trish, welcome to the Forums ❤️ Our hearts go out to you for the loss of your dear husband and the struggle you’re going through in your grief journey.

    You mention that you have been inwardly struggling and it makes us wonder if you have allowed yourself to outwardly show the extent of your anguish. Many of us keep our grief shut away or tempered, forcing us to shoulder the burden alone, even though there are people around us who would gladly take on some of the load if there was a way to do so.

    Here is an excerpt from the ‘Coping with Grief’ article on our Resource Hub…perhaps there is something in this that you find helpful;

    “Often, when consumed by grief, we turn away from the one thing that might help us most…other people. We might feel that no one understands us, we have to do this on our own, or that we’re a burden to others…. [but] the benefits of sharing our pain with others almost always override the drawbacks.
    Here are some tips to seek comfort and help from others;
    • Reach out to family, friends…. but permit yourself to retreat when you need to be alone.
    • Take the initiative to reach out to new people who have experienced a similar loss – they might be from social groups, sporting clubs, church groups, in the workplace or internet forums…
    • Force yourself to be around people and do things – even when it feels too hard. Try to have at least one thing in your calendar every day, along with a back-up.
    • Allow yourself to grieve in public – it’s perfectly ok to have a cry.
    • Share your story of loss. Go ahead and tell anyone who will listen about your loved one and your relationship even if they don’t have the words to respond.
    You can read the rest of the article here

    You might also find some peace during the very challenging times in the middle of the night by turning to meditation…here is a link to an audio recording on our Resource Hub. It was chosen especially by Psychologists at Smiling Minds.
    This page also includes tips on breathing which may be helpful.


    @Trish
    by posting on the forum you’ve shown great courage in the face of such adversity. We hope that you continue to post and that we can support you in your grief journey 🌸

    in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #15537
    Trish
    Participant

    My beautiful husband lost his battle with lung cancer in March this year & I have been inwardly struggling ever since.
    I am surrounded by family & have many friends that care yet I feel alone in my grief.
    Night time is the worst time & sleep evades me, my mind is a whirlpool of thoughts & I can see how easy it would be to turn to drink or tablets
    to stop the thoughts & sleep.

    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #15536
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    This month Griefline is exploring Recognising Strengths as part of grief recovery.

    When we are experiencing grief and loss we might be in crisis mode. We often lose sight of our strengths and feel unable to cope. Yet by recognising and drawing on our strengths we can find hope, feel energised and improve our self-esteem and well-being.

    Strengths can be found internally and externally. Personal strengths are our unique natural capabilities and skills, while external strengths can include a supportive family, friends or workplace and spiritual resources include our beliefs, practices and community.

    These are the resources that enable us to survive and even flourish no matter how tough life gets. When we utilise them we come to understand that we are resilient and start to make reasonable expectations of ourselves and of others during this difficult time.

    During this month of June let’s explore the idea of recognising strengths – both internal and external to aid in grief recovery. We would love to hear from our Online Community about the strengths you’ve drawn on or perhaps the strengths that escaped you…

    Kerry
    Participant

    BabyMushu I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful Mushu, and it must be so much harder for you given how sudden it seems to have been. I wish I could say something to comfort and help you. My little girl Chloe (dog) died in December. I had some very dark, low months. The things that helped me the most were: to talk about her with people who love animals, and who didn’t tell me to get over it or ask when I was going to get another pet. I think it’s hard for most people to talk about death but I think it’s an incredibly important part of grieving. Second, to remind myself of the crazy quirky things she used to do that made me laugh. Some of my favourite photos of her are of an expression on her face, or a way she used to sit etc. I still look through a lot of photos and am reminded of her beautiful crazy ways, and it helps. Third, I bought a necklace which meant something special to me – the pendant is two infinity symbols entwined together – one for my little girl and one for my little boy, who died over two years ago now. I wear it every day – not as a reminder of them exactly, but a reminder of the bond we had and still have. And it reminds me that they will always be in my heart. I hope this helps a little.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by Kerry.
    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by Kerry.
    BabyMushu
    Participant

    I’m trying to cope with losing my cat. He was not even 4 years old. And the death was a shock cause there was no visible signs of anything being wrong. The vet thinks it was a heart attack. He was my first baby. I now have a 18 month old daughter and she and our cat Mushu were the best of friends, they always played gently with each other and she would laugh just by looking at him. Every night he would sleep between me and my partners heads but he always need my arm to put his front paws on. Now everything feels empty and every day feels worse. I don’t know how to live with this loss. I’m in desperate need of some guidance if anyone out there’s has lost a pet they loved like their own child.

    in reply to: Loss of a pet #15509
    BabyMushu
    Participant

    I’m trying to cope with losing my cat. He was not even 4 years old. And the death was a shock cause there was no visible signs of anything being wrong. The vet thinks it was a heart attack. He was my first baby. I now have a 18 month old daughter and she and our cat Mushu were the best of friends, they always played gently with each other and she would laugh just by looking at him. Every night he would sleep between me and my partners heads but he always need my arm to put his front paws on. Now everything feels empty and every day feels worse. I don’t know how to live with this loss. I’m in desperate need of some guidance if anyone out there’s has lost a pet they loved like their own child.

    in reply to: Loss my Grandma 5 years ago, still doesnt feel right #15508
    GL friend
    Participant

    Hi @Rubiiiyl
    Im sorry to hear about your grandma’s passing. It sounds like you didnt get the closure you needed. Even though youve finally interpreted those scribbles on her medical record, its like its not enough.

    I relate to that feeling of not getting closure. My mum passed several years ago but i have no idea why. She was young, strong, but she had a fever which wouldn’t go away and two weeks after being admitted to the hospital, she was gone. As the years pass, i sometimes wonder if my recollection is still as accurate.

    I have saught therapy and learnt soooo much about grief and trauma but this feeling of loss never goes away. She is gone. Thats the ultimate truth.

    Sigh. Idk if this helps you, but know that you are not alone and Im sorry that you experienced this pain. I wish non of us did. If it helps to share more about your grandma and your thoughts and feelings, please feel free to. Sending you courage.

    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #15507
    Rubiiiyl
    Participant

    On 9 Apr 2017, when I was in uni studying for my exam, I was informed by my mother that my grandma is admitted to the hospital due to pneumonia. I couldn’t focus in uni, asked for an exemption, and flew back to my home country in 2 days.

    On the 11th, the evening I landed I went straight to the hospital, I went there as much as allowed every day, which was 2 hours in the morning and evening. I cannot recall what I was doing when I was at her bedside, I just remember the picture of her with drains and drips. Sometimes conscious, most of the time sleeping/short of breath/exhausted.

    I remember feeling frustrated about her not getting well, and at that time I put it on lack of attention from the medical staff, like most hospitals, staffs are pushed to their limits to provide care to too many patients. I put her poor condition as a lack of proper medication/antibiotic for her pneumonia. I kept thinking once they get the right medication she will soon get better.

    She passed away on the 20th.

    I remember the moment when the nurse was certifying her. I couldn’t stand staying away from her, hoping she would take a breath again, staring at her chest looking for a movement.

    Time of death 08:58, 20 April 2017.

    I couldn’t control myself. I cried out loud.
    My mum hushed me to keep it low, as it can be very distressing to other patients and families in the same ward.

    I requested for a copy of her medical record, thinking I will find out the reason why she passed away. Then I flew back to take my exams.
    I didn’t stay for the funeral, as I believed once someone has passed, what happens after won’t affect them, so I didn’t think there was any benefit for my grandma in having funerals and other formalities.

    That’s it. I don’t remember anything afterward apart from feeling angry. I got on with life.

    5 years later
    As I continue to study in uni, as a physio student, I start to understand more of the scribbles of her medical record. Eventually, I came to terms that the medical team did as much as they can for her.

    Now I don’t have anyone to blame. I cant find a reason for her passing away so suddenly

    That’s it. Now I’m here. Still feel like a big chunk of me was taken away, there’s something missing, something still not sitting right. Unable to process what had happen 5 years ago.

    I was expecting I would slowly feel better over time. But I still miss her so much. I have both the loving memory of her and the last 9 days that I got to be there for her.

    I can’t tell what I want/need to get out of this.

    in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #15359
    vince
    Participant

    Hi, I’m Vince. I lost my wife 3 years ago. I’m trying to connect with other people who can understand my grief.

    Animotodo
    Participant

    Mother story is the most precious person that cannot be describe in word. Mother is real blessing of God. There is no match for love of mother. We cannot find the example the of her love in his world.

    in reply to: CADIs Forum #15138
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Hello and welcome to this forum for people who have caused an accidental death or injury. In response to the Marie-Claire article (June 2021), Griefline has opened this dedicated peer-to-peer space for CADIs to find the support and understanding you deserve.

    PLEASE NOTE – in line with our open-forums policy, this forum is open to all Griefline online community members (however, it is not visible to the general public). Please abide by our Community Guidelines and Terms of Use and ensure your username is completely anonymous. Please also refrain from posting anything that you wouldn’t share with a stranger.

    Griefline advocates for a cultural and societal shift towards the acceptance and removal of shame and stigma for those who have caused a death unintentionally. The first step is galvanising a supportive community here in Australia. So, feel free to tell your story, express the hardships you are facing and if possible, ways you have managed to move forward. Sharing your experience can be therapeutic for you while helping other CADIs feel less isolated…because no one should go through this alone.

    We’d also like to refer you to these established organisations who are doing amazing work in the CADI space;

    Accidental Impacts – a site for information, support, and healing for those coping with causing a serious accident
    and
    Accidental Casualties – a Support Group for those involved in an accident that resulted in a fatality or serious injury.
    and
    The Georgina Josephine Foundation – which provides a support network for families affected by low-speed vehicle runover accidents and works to prevent and reduce unintentional injury or death of children and adults in such accidents through awareness and practical measures.

    From all of us at Griefline – we are here for you. 🌈

    in reply to: Helping Hand #15054
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    A warm hello to everyone in the Forums Community,

    Griefline is pleased to have teamed up with the wonderful Smiling Minds organisation, whose team of psychologists have specially selected a soothing meditation for the Griefline community.

    Practising mindful meditation is an act of self-compassion. It allows us to pay attention to what we are feeling in that moment, with a non-judgemental, curious attitude. It’s a tool that’s been practised for centuries to address life’s challenges such as depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues and of course, grief. So whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, confused, angry, guilty, lethargic… use this meditation to help to settle your thoughts, find perspective and most of all, allow yourself some peace and self-love.

    You can find the meditation here – Sounds, Body, Breath on our new Mindfulness for Grief page on the Resource Hub.

    *For daily mindfulness and meditation exercises, you may like to try the FREE Smiling Mind app. You can download the app here;

    Web: https://app.smilingmind.com.au/programs/
    App store: https://apps.apple.com/au/app/smiling-mind/id560442518
    Google Play store: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.smilingmind.app&hl=en_AU&gl=US

    And if you have helpful self-care tools to share with our community please post them here on the Helping Hand forum. 🙏🏻
    We’d love to hear from you …and we are here for you. 🌸

    JoJo90
    Participant

    Thank you for the helpful reply. The strategies and links are great, I’ll be sure to look into them further.

    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear JoJo90,

    Just checking in and sending a note of care and also thanks for sharing your story on Mother’s Day. We acknowledge the overwhelming emotions you are dealing with, made even harder on Mother’s Day. It’s clear you had a very special bond with your mum which makes the grief all the more painful and it sounds like you’re going through a really hard time – being pregnant with your first child and feeling isolated and abandoned by your dad.

    Like you say, we have no doubt your Mum would give you love and support if she were here. And we wonder what advice she would give you if she had the chance. Sometimes it’s helpful to imagine what our loved one would say to us – it can give us a new perspective on things and maybe even some help with decision-making. Perhaps she would look for ways to ensure you have the right support around you with the upcoming arrival of your beautiful baby…perhaps she even inspired you to write your post here on the forums!

    As a young, single mother you deserve to be cared for and supported, if your family don’t have the capacity to do that for you right now, then there are many caring community agencies and individuals who would open their arms to you.

    We have listed some agencies below who may be able to offer help;

    • THE NATIONAL COUNCIL FOR SINGLE MOTHERS AND THEIR CHILDREN – give “access to information and support …and enables women to make informed decisions, and better equip them to protect and support themselves and their child (ren). NCSMC gives primacy to mothers living in hardship.

    On their website, they state “Single mothers have and will continue to raise amazing children.” – we feel sure this relates to you too. Their website is https://www.dev.ncsmc.org.au/

    • The Council of Single Mothers and their Children is a non-profit organisation founded by single mothers to improve both their lives and those of their children. They “do this through telephone and email support, giving single mothers a greater voice and advocating for their rights in employment, income security, affordable childcare and housing and respectful treatment from government agencies.” The website address is; https://www.csmc.org.au/

    • Motherless Daughters Australia provide “a space for women and girls to grieve in an empowering and positive way, as they learn to navigate life without their mum. We bring women of all ages and backgrounds together to comfort, soothe and support each other in a non-judgemental space and provide platforms to facilitate discussion that might not otherwise have been possible. You can register with them at https://www.motherlessdaughters.com.au/


    @JoJo90
    , the fact that you had the courage and clarity to publish your post shows us the huge amount of determination you have to care for your self and your upcoming baby. Not everyone is brave enough to share their story – this is a real strength. There are ways you can build on this resilience and some of them are listed on our “Coping with Grief” article which you can check out here on our Resource Hub. In the meantime, here are a few we feel might relate to you;

    Establish safety and build self-empowerment…

    Our grief can consume us with thoughts that cause fear and avoidance and make us believe things will never get better or that we should never be happy again but there are ways to feel safe and strong again. Here are some tips for feeling safe and in control;

    Identify your strengths and remind yourself of the challenges you have overcome before this. Change your self-image from a ‘victim’ to a ‘survivor’ and even a ‘thriver’.
    Note down coping strategies on post-it notes to turn to when you’re struggling. Stick them to high-use items such as your computer, steering wheel or fridge.
    Start a coping diary in which you rate each day between 1 and 10 according to how well you coped. Ask yourself what you can do to increase your score and work on increasing the number of good days compared to bad.
    Remember, you always have choices no matter how hard things seem. Don’t settle by thinking “it is what it is”.

    Please keep in touch, we are here for you as you navigate your grief journey and the big changes in your life ahead 🌸

    JoJo90
    Participant

    I didn’t realise how hard it can be to stop oneself from crying. Usually I’ve no problem but today has been so painful I have to keep hiding away because I can’t stop the pain from boiling over into tears.

    Mum died from cancer 7 years ago and I’ve dealt with it very well since then however this is my first mothers day while being pregnant with my first child myself. A time in every daughters life when she needs her mother the most. Grandchildren was the only thing she wanted before she died but I was only 23 then and not ready to have children.

    What’s hurting so much today is that mum was the only person in my life that loved me and cared for me. Now there is no one. After her death, dad ran off with an awful, selfish, manipulative hag and has conveniently forgotten he’s a father. There is no one else on his side, no one else on mum’s side who cares and my unborn baby has no father. I struggle badly with Aspergers and as such I live in a garage, where I will be bringing my baby back to in 3 months time, have no job because I’m not impressive enough to be hired and have no support whatsoever. If mum was here things would be different I think. She told me she loved me growing up and she would support me to live better if she were here.

    Next mothers day I will be a mother myself. It breaks my heart to know I can’t provide my son with a family. I want him to have more than just a mother. That’s all I had and she’s gone. I don’t know why I was born. There seems to be no point. I wish I had been aborted or miscarried. They say everyone has a purpose. I think my purpose must just be to help keep people in jobs when I’m a paying customer or maybe just to care for my two cats.

    I miss my mother more than ever today.

    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Hi @Ellie, what a beautiful depiction of your Mum and the precious time you spent with her. The bond between you is so powerful we could feel it just from reading your words. Our hearts go out to you though for the turmoil of your childhood – having to protect your mum from DV as a little girl and living away from her at boarding school. It sounds like you did the best you could to keep her sure of your love – writing to her and visiting whenever you could. Have you tried writing her a ‘Hello again’ letter? Perhaps you’d like to try it out this mother’s day… it’s another way to keep her close to you. You might even share some of your words with your daughter to ensure she understands how important your mum and her memory is to you.

    Thank you for writing @Ellie. We are here for you. 🌸

    Ellie
    Participant

    I remebered my mother with her beautiful blue eyes, and that smile that I see sometime in my daughter’s face. She was kind to other people and hard working. As young children, my brother and I spent time trying to protect her against our father’s drunken violence.
    Then, we were taken away to boarding schools. I missed mum so much, I couldn’t speak for awhile, I was crying a lot, having nightmares. I would see her from time to time, was so happy. I kept writing to her, and could smell home in her letters.
    I loved my mother so much, I would worry about her, but I couldn’t live at home, she became sick. As I left the country to come to Australia. I continued writing to her. Every time my husband and I went O/S, we would visit, to spend time with her.
    I was told that she passed away when she was buried. I miss my mum, I miss my childhood with her and cry.

    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #15011
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    As Mothers Day nears it can feel almost impossible to dodge the onslaught of soppy messaging in the community. Mothers day gifts, cards and flower bouquets have overtaken the stores, tv, radio and social media send out a constant barrage of triggering messages, friends make plans to catch up with their mums, grandmas etc, …it can feel like there’s no escape. Some of us just want to hide, switch everything off and wait for it to be over.

    This is your space to share your grief and loss experiences about motherhood in all its forms. And to listen, support and give hope to one another.

    We honour the children (young and old) who are grieving;

    Those who have lost their beloved mum,
    Those who have lost an adored grandmother, aunty or matriarch,
    Those who have lost the one true maternal figure in their life,
    And those never given the opportunity to love a mother.

    We honour Mothers who are grieving for children lost;

    Those who have lost children they loved and raised,
    Those who have lost babies they held in their arms,
    Those who have lost unborn children who lit a spark in their belly,
    And those who have lost the dream of the precious child they longed for.

    We honour Mothers who are grieving for a better life for their children;

    Those raising children with compromised physical, mental or emotional health,
    Those raising children in circumstances of poverty, violence or cruelty,
    Those raising children who face untold adversity,
    And those who find themselves estranged from their children

    We honour the love of mothers, the love of a child for their mother, and the distinct form of grief and loss we suffer when they are lost to us.

    Please express your grief and loss experience here 🌸

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