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  • in reply to: My husband died last week. #18672
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Danna,

    Welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you at this terribly difficult time. It sounds like you had a very special and close relationship with your husband – the two of you forging your own life together. We can only imagine how hard it must be for you after all the years you spent together. ❤️

    Were you caring for your husband during his 18 months of treatment? The stress and strain of caring for a gravely ill spouse are intense and now coming to terms with his loss would only compound your grief. So, it’s no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed with life in general. Be gentle on yourself and don’t expect too much.

    You mention seeing empty years ahead, but right now it’s probably best not to look too far into the future. When we torment ourselves with things that are out of our control it can make everything feel overwhelming. Try to remind yourself that all you need to do is get through each day. Over time the days will become easier to navigate and the future will sort itself out.
    While you don’t have family, do you have friends you can reach out to? Our article on Coping With Grief has lots of tips, one of them being ‘Force yourself to be around people and do things – even when it feels too hard. Try to have at least one thing in your calendar every day, along with a back-up.’ If this feels like too much at the moment there are lots of other tips in the article which may be helpful. You can find the article here.
    And for your own self-care perhaps some mindfulness may help with the overwhelm. Our ‘Tools for Rest and Relaxation‘ page has some excellent resources. If you’re not a fan of mindful breathing you can try journaling or writing as healing, or try the ‘reflecting on positive experiences’ recording which helps take your mind to a peaceful place to give you some moments of reprieve.


    @Danna
    we hope these coping strategies will be of some help. Most of all we hope that you feel our support. As @Possumpie says – you don’t have to feel alone here. We are here for you.

    in reply to: 1 assault, 3 traumatic deaths, 10 years, empty shell #18639
    Possumpie
    Participant

    Wow I’m so so sorry that’s happened to you. Rape survivor here ptsd recently diagnosed.. so I feel that feeling you feel have you talked to a professional babe? It honestly helps

    in reply to: 1 assault, 3 traumatic deaths, 10 years, empty shell #18273
    Possumpie
    Participant

    Wow I’m so so sorry that’s happened to you. Rape survivor here ptsd recently diagnosed.. so I feel that feeling you feel have you talked to a professional babe? It honestly helps

    in reply to: Default Kit #18272
    Possumpie
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re husband pass I lost my dad a few months back to throat cancer. I’m an only child as well I know how isolating it is. You don’t have to feel alone here

    in reply to: My husband died last week. #18675
    Possumpie
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re husband pass I lost my dad a few months back to throat cancer. I’m an only child as well I know how isolating it is. You don’t have to feel alone here

    in reply to: Default Kit #18266
    Danna
    Participant

    My husband has been unwell for the last 18 months. Originally a twisted bowel, then diagnosed with bladder cancer.

    He beat the cancer, but the chemo and radiation therapy, along with with treatment for other conditions took its toll.

    He fought for so long, but in the end I had to let him go. It is so hard being on my own after all these years. We did not have children and I was an only child, so now all I can see is empty years ahead.

    Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with grief and life in general.

    in reply to: Site Header #18265
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    A warm hello to all our community members. 🤗. Yesterday was dubbed ‘World Kindness Day’- a global day to promote the importance of being kind to each other, yourself and the world. World Kindness Day Foundation website Perhaps you received a random act of kindness from someone??? If so, let us know – we’d love to put together a ‘kindness’ list …an ‘in-real-life guide to being kind’.
    And if you missed out, please don’t feel bad – you certainly won’t be alone. Though we all crave kindness from others we are powerless to ensure we receive it. What we do have power over however is our ability to bestow random acts of kindness on others – and this can have just as much of a positive effect on ourselves. We not only make somebody else feel good but also add a moment of joy to our own lives. And we all know how rare moments of joy are when we’re grieving 😢. But don’t wait another year for the next World Happiness Day – every day is a good day to do something kind for someone else.
    If you’re looking for an idea look no further than right here… posting on the forums is a random act of kindness in itself. You could respond to another community member’s post – let them know that you understand their experience; that you’re thinking of them; or even give them some tips for coping strategies. Equally, just by sharing your own experience, it is highly likely that you’re validating what someone else is going through (after all, you are part of a community of more than 600+ members). posted with our kindest regards, the Griefline Volunpeers.

    in reply to: It took me 4 years to realise I’ve never grieved #18271
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @JenC, welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you as you battle complicated grief after the passing of your husband. You are not alone in this – 10% of bereaved people become ‘stuck in their grief’. But we are encouraged by your optimism to find a ‘fix’ – we agree that researchers are developing new forms of therapy all the time. So it’s definitely worthwhile continuing to seek help until you find your perfect fit. Have you seen this TED talk by Susan Delaney? “Grief, Its Complicated” – we think you’ll relate to it (especially from around 10 minutes in)…at the least it will help you to feel less alone in your experience and at best renew your motivation to find that perfect ‘fix’.

    In the meantime, keep posting here – social support is very helpful and we are here for you as you navigate your grief journey. 🌸

    in reply to: It took me 4 years to realise I’ve never grieved #18652
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @JenC, welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you as you battle complicated grief after the passing of your husband. You are not alone in this – 10% of bereaved people become ‘stuck in their grief’. But we are encouraged by your optimism to find a ‘fix’ – we agree that researchers are developing new forms of therapy all the time. So it’s definitely worthwhile continuing to seek help until you find your perfect fit. Have you seen this TED talk by Susan Delaney? “Grief, Its Complicated” – we think you’ll relate to it (especially from around 10 minutes in)…at the least it will help you to feel less alone in your experience and at best renew your motivation to find that perfect ‘fix’.

    In the meantime, keep posting here – social support is very helpful and we are here for you as you navigate your grief journey. 🌸

    in reply to: It took me 4 years to realise I’ve never grieved #18655
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @EXNativo,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us. We’re sorry it’s taken a while for a response. Please know that your grief experience is valued here (and look out for our ‘Volunpeers’ who will be joining the forums this week to respond with empathy and understanding like they do on the Helplines).

    It sounds like you’ve had a particularly rough time over the past month or so – the culmination of many years of suppressing your grief over the loss of your uncle and perhaps other living losses too…chronic loneliness is a loss in itself…even the breakdown of your parent’s marriage is a loss to grieve. Having to cope with all of these losses while living with anxiety and depression, and through lockdown, might have delayed your grief and perhaps even contributed to emotional dysregulation which is experienced through flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, uncontrollable negative thoughts, and emotional numbing. Our article on delayed grief and the impact of COVID might be useful – you can click through to it here; “Delayed Grief – Waves of Grief as Lockdown Lifts

    While your story was heart-wrenching to read, you have wonderful storytelling abilities, and clearly highlighted your many internal and external strengths – all of which can help you adapt and move forward; your supportive relationship with your Mum, loving family, coping strategies such as reaching out for help eg Lifeline, Beyond Blue and Griefline, and your self-care insights to “Get some help. Eat something small. drink some water. Take care of yourself. Let yourself feel some self-love.” By tapping into these strengths we think over time you can give meaning to your losses and even rewrite your future. Grief expert Robert Neimeyer says “grieving is an act of re-affirming or reconstructing a personal world of meaning that has been challenged by loss.”

    Perhaps this rings true for you as you formulate your plan for moving forward. We are here for you as you navigate your grief journey – both on the forums and the Helpline. 🌸

Viewing 10 replies - 21 through 30 (of 436 total)
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