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  • in reply to: I don’t know what to do right now without him #21670
    VM – OnAJourney
    Participant

    Oh, so sorry to hear @amaniee612. This must have been such a tough day for you. Your baby lab has been such an important part of your life, and you have spent so much time with him. Totally understandable that you feel lost now and overwhelmed by grief and hurt. And I can imagine that you also find it upsetting that others in your family seem to just get on with it. We do grieve differently, and loss affects us differently. I think it is great that you reach out and talk about your grief on this forum, particularly as you might feel that your family does not quite get what’s going on for you.
    The pain you experience shows how close you were with your baby boy and how much you love him. And while it might never go away completely same as your love for him that will never go away, it will probably change over time and you might want to keep us posted how you are going on your journey. I can imagine that a lot of people who read this can relate to your grief.
    I hope you manage to get some sleep. And maybe your baby boy will be there with you during the night. Take care.

    in reply to: Loss of a pet #21669
    amaniee612
    Participant

    My beautiful baby, my little boy was only 8 today and just passed away. It happened so suddenly. I can’t stop picturing him and just miss him so much. Since I’ve had my dog in my life it completely changed me. From going out with friends to just staying at home with my baby lab. I didn’t realise how much it hurts I have such a hole in me heart. I can’t stop crying. My family mourned for abit and then just seemed fine whilst having drinks and talking about him. I use to always be out with my friends or girlfriends but since my lab came I would spend most my evenings just with him and play fight with him. I wouldn’t spend my evenings any other way. I just feel like my lab was the best thing in my life & I just feel like the only one good thing in my life is gone. Idk what to do I’m just lost , confused , angry. I just can’t cope tbh. I’ve spend the day with my family and friends but now I’m just all alone. For 8 years I would kiss my baby every night before bed. And I couldn’t tonight. I just am so confused and don’t know

    debsayge
    Participant

    Dear broken friend
    thank you for your letter as I respect how hard this can be. It is always so lovely to hear from you.
    I am the same as you grieving mumma, going under so much, I cry on waking and sleeping and in between just a wreck, every aspect is a challenge and unending despair.
    Oh your son, so much love to both, all we can do is keep them very close.
    I’m grateful actually I’ve always kept my children close, Archer went through all Sayge’s ordeal we just stayed together, gosh I just wish you were closer so they could be together Archer with his grief (he wouldn’t realise this) has made a huge mini golf course in part of our property,it’s taken him a year or so, takes 2 hrs to play plus many other building projects so I see he’s being very creative…the kids and I, well that was always what we did…that’s what we do weed, garden, play mini golf, like tired sad zombies, I cry a lot and he is very compassionate and patient, he’s lost his absolute best friend, me also,my perfect person, and I see that he’s so so sad, and we are all so so exhausted.
    We are also despairing over some family friends who just suddenly abandoned us, it’s been crushing too. I’ve gone under with the betrayal, but now realised, we are better off and hopeful to make more loving friends(here is a good place to start, we’re the only ones who know)
    I just feel like weve been flung in some parallel universe now where we don’t know where to go, don’t know the language, and we’re invisible to everyone.
    I’ve been slowly absorbing Joanne books, I find the small grieving is loving the best as I feel like I have a friend who speaks my language, I mean not one thing helps, however hopeful I can keep my bleeding heart open. Just hurts so bad.
    I’m hoping we can speak again soon, I love you so much
    XxDeb

    grievingmum
    Participant

    Hi Deb, thank you for your thoughts, and checking in. It means more than I can say. I have also thought of you often, and how you are faring.
    We have been feeling pretty terrible. It just feels impossible, and never ending. My son has turned from a joyful, cheerful, happy boy.. to an angry one. It feels so unfair that not only have we lost the baby of our family, but that the rest of us left behind are so broken. It feels like everything is ruined.
    We are going through the motions of life, but feeling nothing but despair. How are you?

    in reply to: Lost baby grandson now husband diagnosed with stage 4 cancer #21645
    VM-Cleo
    Participant

    Hi @heartbroken,

    Your story of a family touched by such devasation is so difficult to witness – I imagine only more difficult to experience – thank you deeply for sharing it. The loss of your deeply loved, anticpated and wanted grandson sounds immeasurable. To also witness your partners diagnosis alongside that leaves me shocked – your ability to write here is a testament to your internal well of strength.

    The early stages of grief are often curated by the numb feelings that you described and are a completly valid human response to so much tradgedy. Many other emotions force their way up, like furosity or the general low feelings at these times which make taking care of yourself quite difficult – I wonder how your sleep and eating are going since you wrote this post? You say you’ve been living like zombies which can sometimes snowball the feelings in grief. It can seem so trivial or silly to focus on those things, but they are a foundation from which you can grieve safely. Its so hard to see the point of these things when life has dealt you such a blow, but I see there is a time to give yourself some compassion, that you deserve to have your needs met and your body taken care of. Griefline uses the EAST framework as a guide for taking care of logistical things that seem so pointless compared to our grief, but really assist our healing:

    EAST – Connecting to Healthy Routines

    The road ahead does indeed look dark from where you are – I hope that by writing hear some light has found its way into your path. Nothing will ever be the same without your grandson, or your husband – but talking about it could also be helpful, you’ve already taken the first step by expressing yourself here on the forums. You can also call the Griefline Helpline any day on 1800 845 745, or seek professional grief and loss counselling.

    Keep writing this down, talking to those who can listen – we are here x

    in reply to: Does it get easier? #21644
    vm-donuts
    Participant

    Hello @jordanlou, thank you for your trust and also thanks for sharing your experience. It is not easy to talk about the loss experience. I appreciate that you tried and made it. I hope that you will feel better after telling.

    It has been more than two weeks since you made this post. I wonder how you spent these two weeks, and how have things been going for you this week?

    in reply to: Lost baby grandson now husband diagnosed with stage 4 cancer #21643
    debsayge
    Participant

    Hello heartbroken friends,
    There are no words, just none! for your tragedy, each time I see new broken people here my heart just aches and opens up more and more….you and your daughter are beautiful and we are all here right with you, hold onto each other and just be e what you are so real so sad, we all are witness to your suffering now thankyou for your outpouring hearts, we will all be beside you….this is my hope for you to have loving people around you as this can soften the godawful pain just a little, at Times,the answer to every thing is just love that’s what we all here need thankyou for your trust, we are listening and holding you
    Love oh so much to you
    XxDeb (my sweet Sayge post)

    in reply to: Loss of a loved one #21642
    heartbroken
    Participant

    May 2022: I was writing my first book, minding my 1 yr old grand daughter once a week, looking forward to the birth of a grandson in August 2022 and about to go on a long overdue road trip with my husband. Life was great.

    After a diagnosis of early onset menopause my daughter was excited to become a single mum. The IVF worked. I was over the moon.

    Then in the middle of May 2022 my daughter developed preeclampsia and had an emergency Cesarean. Her son was delivered at 26 weeks. My daughter was very ill, we could have lost her. After a rocky start both mother and son improved and grew stronger. After two weeks my daughter was walking on her own again and her son was off the ventilator and putting on weight. We felt confident that he was thriving and she would eventually take him home.

    At three weeks of age my grandson died of a hospital acquired infection. Our feisty, gorgeous boy was here and gone in an instant. My eyes are welling over as I write this bit. He was so very much wanted and longed for. It’s so incredibly cruel that a dirty needle or a careless procedure denied our little man the chance of a wonderful life.

    The excruciating pain of my daughter’s conversation with an undertaker about her baby son ashes keeps me awake at night, along with the anger I feel about his death.

    Ever since his death my daughter and I have been like zombies. We’ve been eating and sleeping badly, living in pjs and letting the TV wash over us. When I’ve been desperately low I’ve rung the Red Nose support line. That’s helped a lot, but they deal with the loss of a child.

    A week ago (ten weeks after we lost our grandson) my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his lung and backbone. The cancer has metastasized from a stage 2 skin cancer that was removed from his neck three years ago. Back then he had radiation and the removal of lymph nodes. Today his specialist told him that this new cancer is incurable.

    I’m numb. It’s too much. Our lives have imploded.

    I’ve read all the grief counselling suggestions, have regular sleep patterns, eat a healthy diet, exercise every day even if it’s only a walk to the letter box. Why bother? WHY? What’s the point? The road ahead looks dark. My wonderful husband won’t see his grandchildren enjoy life. I’m wretched and heartbroken.

    in reply to: Buried my son on xmas eve #21641
    Moon
    Participant

    Thanks Olivia, you beautiful lady, my name sake,

    Don’t know why my son had to leave me either xxx

    in reply to: Buried my son on xmas eve #21640
    debsayge
    Participant

    Hello dear friend,
    Just to ask how are you doing? Really?
    Can I ask if you’ve been anywhere or visited with the old gentleman again, such a caring thing to do, especially if it brings up the heartache of your dad also.
    Have you managed to read any of Joanne’s books, I have now it’s helpful in that it allows us to be okay with our pain, I like the handbook the most though it’s really very comforting and speaks to me in a language I can resonate with….I’m still trying to find anyone that could relate to us, and would just like to come sit in the garden, I had a wild idea about putting a sign out front however I’m still thinking about that….we have a few that come not very much though and I find I’m often having to defend my grief, stand up for my love, I really dislike that and wish I had just the right things to say but can’t think just then.
    Feeling just so tired of it all,
    How about you, what’s happening around friendships or finding anyone to relate to.
    Much love to you tonight
    XxDeb

Viewing 10 replies - 11 through 20 (of 995 total)
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