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July 2, 2022 at 1:08 pm in reply to: Lost my partner of 26 years 4 days ago to stage 4 copd now I feel lost #21259homerParticipant
We have been through so much over the years,we lost a child at full term,because of a rare blood disorder.She was such a soldier she suffered two heart attacks by the age of 35 the second one was a major one ,she ended up with DVT diabetes,she suffered a bite from a white tip spider which ate half of her calf muscle away on one legJuly 2, 2022 at 12:54 pm in reply to: Lost my partner of 26 years 4 days ago to stage 4 copd now I feel lost #21258
Hello dear Homer,
Thank you for coming in and sharing with us all here, we can sit by your side we can hold you and your child in your heartache and we are listening….
I see how much love you have for your son in your words, we as parents feel that need to nurture them always so allowing them to see us! in our pain! allows them to feel theirs honestly and with a realness that’s is true for them, this society! I’ve learned!is so grief avoidant, that’s I think what makes it all the more painful for the broken lives everywhere….I am a bereaved Mumma of my beautiful girl Sayge, barely 19, I’m still in such disbelief and struggling everyday….
Do what’s right for you both in the moment….really my hope for you is that around you are people to comfort and support you with all the mix of emotions your feeling…of course your sleeping a lot your body has so much going on inside, be ok with that, be with what you feel as painful as it is, and hold your son in his…sometimes! softness is strong…
Please keep sharing we are all here listening and much love to you today dear friend, I hope to have been helpful to you today
I lost my partner 4 days ago to stage 4 copd.I was by her side till the end,in the beginning I accepted it better than I thought but a few days later I find myself putting on a brave face for my son’s sake.I find all I want to do is sleep all the timeJuly 1, 2022 at 8:04 pm in reply to: How to navigate Early Grief, Lost my 6 year old daughter 3 weeks ago. #21255
Dearest grieving Mumma
Thinking of you each and every day sending you heartfelt hugs
How are you feeling tonight? What a massive day to have got your hair done, glad she sounds like she is a great comfort for you and you found that helpful at least in the moment….I think that’s what we seem to need the most, that comfort from those who at least try, just few and too far between….good on you anyway….
Yes I know it would be great if we could just pick up the ph n have a good yarn/cry together, it would sure help me….just so friendless now, I find it really scary too to even talk to people as I’m always getting stupid comments that I just can’t cope with or the usual anger/sadness inside that is overlooked cause people are so unwilling to feel ( not that there are really many people) or to even say anything about what’s happened, just going on about normal things….
Did you manage to listen to any of Joanne’s talks, wondering how you felt….
Thinking of you
And after all that I just saw this quote from Joanne cacciatore!!!
And when we allow ourselves to feel that which is legitimately ours to feel, we rebel against the rigid grief-denying structures of society.” Joanne Cacciatore
Thank you for this empowering wisdom Joanne
Dear Moon, and all listening,
Thank you Moon, that’s fine I don’t see it as taking over at all! I’m grateful for all your sharing in whatever way as it helps to know someone’s actually there…we used to sing to Crosby song all the time, with all our different animal names, so thankyou, and the logical song being home Ed was a really good one to sing while they were listening and playing pool, laughing away….it just feels like the end of the world to me now, all the lovely things we did, feels just gone and I can’t stand Sayge missing out on all we were together, to me everyday feels like a betrayal, the emotions just pour out of me and I’m so all over the place, and so don’t know what I’m doing….I can’t clean the house which sounds probably stupid to everyone, though when you’ve shared every moment (even cleaning) with my helpful considerate girl, it just feels impossible, can anyone relate??? Just being in this boy energy is doing my head in, my Archer is gorgeous but it’s just so hard the missing ….I’ve spent my life just being and with the kids, my partner more seperate from that,more always doing his own thing and not with us through the years…. so just having them to rely on is too hard and I feel guilty for being such a mess….even someone I trust said it must be hard for them to see me like this all the time, that does not help, just makes me feel like I’m not allowed, ohhh all so confusing…. Any comforting words would be helpful, my confidence in life is shattered, don’t know who I am anymore friends
Much love to all of you
Hiya, just wanted to say thinking of you xxMoonParticipant
Hi Deb and thank you for the links, they work and I’ve been reading. I’ve always found Emily Dickinson to be my best comfort.
I was a bit of a poet myself, have been re-reading some of the stuff I wrote when I was 19. Far out, hard to listen to, almost like a prediction.
Sorry I’ve been quiet this week and hope my post in your thread was ok, wish we could talk more in detail about certain things.
This afternoon was, felt like… still absorbing, sorry can’t explain my emotions tonight. Felt good to see my friend for a haircut finally,
known her donkeys, cut all my kids hair, and bravely shaved my son before chemo each time. Has 5 of her own, similar ages, so the hugs were truly heartfelt.
She still has the brochure of J & J’s National Bandanna Campaign on her front desk, we decided to swap it for a recent photo when he was well.
Felt good sharing with her the moments I absolutely, know my son has said hi, she’s kiwi, spiritual in her own way, like me. She get’s it, all I need to say.
Hugs to all xxx
Just sharing, I hope you know if Rumi 12th century sufi poet… I don’t know if this will work!! Otherwise you can look up his very deep writings
Love to you today