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May 24, 2022 at 2:36 pm in reply to: How to navigate Early Grief, Lost my 6 year old daughter 3 weeks ago. #20806
Dearest broken Mumma
We are all here with you
Much love to you all the days
And nights, all feeling the despair, all together
Hi Deb, everyone here, hugs. I’ve thought twice about replying here tonight as I’m in a bad mood and would never want to inflict on others.
But then I thought ( or my son whispered in my ear ) I might need this safe place to express. I definately over-stretched my limitations today by having 2 long overdue medical appts, I can only handle a quick supermarket shop once a fortnight ok. I could feel the tension rising, I basically ran home to turn up the music full blast so the neighbours wouldn’t hear me cry. Oh, yes, living in constant fear is all I’ve known, for the last 10 years, but he did actually die. I think I rather dread, than fear another tomorrow, feels like there’s nothing to look forward to ever again. I hate the hours between 2-5am the most, no matter how early I go to bed, I’m wide awake, staring at the ceiling, sobbing, just quietly, cause got a fat ginger cat snoring beside me. Hey Deb, you haven’t mentioned a partner, do you an animal you can cuddle at night?
Sending you loving support, sending you kind thoughts, hoping you are receiving our msgs into your aching heart and know we are with you.
Ohh moon and dear friends listening, thank you so much for the encouragement ….so sorry to you all for being here!!! Moon your darling Jezza anniversary was on my birthday!!! The enduring of it coming up then having to get through it was extremely painful (for the 2nd time) I’ve been sooo distressed and feel like so alone without Sayge,we always had a tradition of so much (gifts lovingly made, h/made cards full of beauty n giving Mumma always spoiled) I had a couple of friends who tried to be there, and we’re but I just feel like I’m on the outside looking in, then they go back to normal life !! Lucky them…..
Do you struggle with fear Moon? Or anyone, I’m afraid of everything now, can’t cope with anything at all really, I’m sorry to admit my gentle quiet nature has been wracked by this whole thing….do you too feel like your whole life all you’ve put in to create a beautiful small family has been just shattered….and where did that come from and what can we possibly learn here…so sudden I feel like we were on a runaway train so fast so frightening, my Sayge so gentle caring thoughtful what for…
I wanted to tell you ( we home learned) Sayge was learning French, with (like everything) such dedication….she also played the piano beautifully so amazing…. For you music lady, I so appreciate your music language but I actually can’t listen to anything, it’s all to painful…but I’m glad you can do that for you and it helps….
I feel you are a brave lady Moon, sharing as you do, going through such hell with your beautiful boy…I am here with you all
Fears and all, most times I can hardly move, please share about this…
Love and strength to us all to make it though another excruciating day, too much to bare, too much is lost
We are so glad that you have reached out to us here on the forums and our hearts go out to you at this sad and difficult time. You described your partner as being your ‘soulmate’ and ‘perfect person’ which portrays your deep connection to each other and the love and care you felt for him. I sincerely feel for you with the huge losses you are living with, and your sense of isolation.
It is very common for people experiencing grief to be on a rollercoaster of emotions including confusion, sadness, shock and disbelief. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to feel the emotions as they surface. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, it is a very personal journey for everyone.
Taking one day at a time is not always easy to hear, however, it can at times help us to take the pressure off ourselves in thinking we should be coping or managing in a particular way within a certain frame. Hoping this may help, as another perspective maybe.
You may find the following articles from our resource’s hub useful
Coping with Loss https://griefline.org.au/resources/coping-with-loss/
EAST – Connect to Health Routines https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/
Reaching out for support can be a daunting task, and it is a testament to your strength and courage that you are willing reach out to others here.
Please stay in touch, and know that we are here for you.VM- thanasis43Participant
Thank you for joining us on the forums and sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry to hear of the sudden, painful and life-changing loss you have experienced. Typically, we feel such luck at meeting a soulmate and receiving their love in return, but we never envision losing them at a young age. When something so out of our control happens it really does feel like our world has been turned upside down and our brain struggles to compute that we now have to rewrite the story we imagined for ourselves, which hurts like hell.
It sounds like you so treasured your partner and his positive attributes while he was alive and it’s incredibly normal to be confused by the idea that he is no longer here to bring your many plans to fruition. It can feel like a cruel blow that other people’s plans are going ahead when your plans have to change, but you should know that you are definitely not alone in what you are feeling. Our forum is here for you and we also invite you to call Griefline on 1300 845 745 any time you would like to chat to someone or feel you need support.
There have been other posts on the forum in the past, where people have experienced the early loss of their soulmate. I’m not sure whether @Heather @TashM or @JackM or @tiki2072016 might still be about, but they have previously shared their stories and support on such loss in other forum posts, which you may find helpful to read and connect on:
You may also like to check out the resources on Coping with Grief on the Griefline website, if you haven’t already, and Understanding Trauma, as it sounds like you are still in some shock, which again, is very normal.
Whilst in shock, try to remember to do the little things that will support your mental and physical health, like eating properly and sleeping as well as you can. There are some resources on the Griefline website that offer tips for managing this too.
Please keep talking. We are here for you in your time of grief.VM-PGParticipant
I’m really glad you’ve reached out to us. It sounds like you are going through a very tough time right now. Grief can affect us all differently, but depression is a very common symptom for many people. We have some information online that might be helpful for you. If you go to https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-loss-trauma/ as well as https://griefline.org.au/resources/living-with-loss-and-grief/ there is information on different experiences that often accompany grief and hopefully there is something there that may resonate with you.
Often, especially when experiencing depression, people can change routines and start neglecting basic daily self-care routines like sleep and exercise. I recommend checking https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/ as there is information for making sure you have healthy routines in place to support you while you work out a way through your current experience. It can sometimes seem too basic, but it’s really important and helpful to make sure that you’re doing things like maintaining a regular bedtime and a healthy diet.
You mention that you have a long history of losing loved ones and I’m also wondering whether you have ever considered speaking with someone on a regular basis. It may be helpful to speak to someone like a counselor or therapist who specialises in grief and loss and can help you to unpack some of your past experiences and help you integrate them in a healthy way.
You’ve taken a really positive in reaching out and I hope you find something helpful in this. You are also always welcome to call our helpline on 1300 845 745 to have an anonymous chat with one of our volunteers.