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I really feel for you and feel I can relate very much to the feelings you describe. It is a most terribly difficult time, one you have had no control over and unbelievably sad. I am so sorry you are going through this.
I understand feeling there is no future, so I have been told, take it day by day, or in my case, it is hour by hour or minute by minute – try not to think about the future – that is too hard at the moment.
I am meant to return to work on 27th January but have already alerted my boss to the fact I wont be ready and will need to take leave for at least another 6 weeks or so. Maybe taking leave is something you might be able to do? It might keep that connection open, and be something that eventually you can work towards.
I am having therapy but through telehealth it is (often?) bulk-billed on a mental health plan given by your GP. So I am not paying anything extra, and without therapy I certainly could not get through this, in fact I am looking into other things like a support group. This might be something you might consider too. Also, if you have not done so already, I suggest contacting Centrelink because you may well be already eligible for some family payments given you are a single parent. It is certainly hard having financial worries on top of everything else. Do you have a close friend or family member who can help you look into supports because it is a lot to do, and like me, your brain is probably feeling very fried.
Thank you for replying to me. I think it really helps to connect with other people who are in a very difficult place.MaryParticipant
Some of the best advice I have been given is that only you know how you need to grieve. So grieve in the way you feel is best. It is the hardest time, the most excruciating time, so you need to do what feels right. People who judge you usually have no idea how much pain you are in, so you need to put yourself before their judgements and comments. Your grief is a measure of your love, and it sounds as though you were so loving and committed to making your father’s life the best it could be. What a beautiful person you are. I hope you are able to take care of yourself while you go through this difficult journey. It is early days yet.