Forum Replies Created
Hi Deb (all), I think you are so incredibly brave reaching out like that, I wonder if anyone has responded yet ?
I’m sure it felt good just writing the message, for Archer also. Has he joined Canteen already? He’s over 12 yes?
As you know my family were, still are highly involved, can’t recommend them highly enough.
I’ve wanted to write, but was mindful that my mood has been all over the place and don’t want affect others here.
Guess I got stuck in the “if onlys” regret and anger for a bit. I cannot apologise for that, those feelings will always come and go.
I’m a mother who will never hear my childs’ voice again, so I’m allowed to feel whatever emotions pierce my heart.
But I won’t linger too long in dark spaces, they could easily swallow me up, been there before, I’m resisting with all my might.
I remember reading “what to expect when you’re expecting” as a naive first-time mother, so intent on getting things right.
Of course the birth and first 2 years with my eldest were a nightmare, but no one really warns you how utterly deeply you will love your child.
It’s different to the love of a partner or family, it’s the most purest expression of unconditional, lay down my life for you, absolute love.
That first look of recognition after bonding in our bellies, and then all the miraculous steps shared together.. is my reason for being.
Thank you my son, for being my child, thank you Sayge for being Deb’s daughter, we miss you, hope you’re hanging out together xxxvmsunflower2Participant
I’m so sorry to hear you have lost your pets. I too have lost a few dogs and cats, some Ive lost suddenly due to traumatic events that happened to them, and others Ive had to put down due to illness or old age, however one of the hardest things Ive had to do is leave a pet behind because she was unable to come in to this country due to an antibody she had in her blood.It was hard because I couldn’t explain to her that I wasn’t abandoning her, I still have a lot of guilt when it comes to her, but she was ok after we left and has since passed away, I always thought I would be there for that day, but sadly I was not. Losing them is always hard, but I find comfort in that I almost always only have good, wonderful, amazing memories of all of them, and what I find really amazing is that we always have capacity to love another and another and another….
Thinking of all and would love to hear how you are all doing?vmsunflower2Participant
Hi @debsayge @moon
I can’t imagine how hard things have been for the both of you (and anyone else who has been through this), but I admire how well you have handled this till now, I love the connection you both seem to have, it’s beautiful to watch this relationship.
Stay strong, keeping reaching out, thinking of you always:) Please don’t stop sharing your beautiful stories and memories!VM – OnAJourneyParticipant
Thank you for sharing those beautiful poems. One of my favourite poems on grief is by John O’Donohue from his book “To Bless the Space Between Us – A Book of Blessings”. I can relate very well to this overwhelm of different feelings and the often seemingly endless reappearance of grief in moments when I least expect it. May we have patience as our guide through this unsettling experience of grief.
When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.
Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid or undone.
There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.
It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.
Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.VM-Mancha1Participant
that is such a heartbreaking story, your words are powerful. I particularly felt the pain in the words ‘my hands are empty, I have nothing to pat’. That brought tears to my eyes, so much said in so few words.
It’s been a while since you wrote this, how have you been coping since? Please come back and let us know. We all hold our love for different friends and fur-family, but we all share that pain of loss when they leave us – share some time with us here, if you can.
I hope you come back soon.debsaygeParticipant
Dear G/l I am sorry about putting my number on I had just been copying my note word for word, so sorry about that…..
Dearest Moon, broken mumma of your beautiful boy, you are so right it is the cruelest, that’s the word, our children are part of us, always and forever, and to be taken like that rips into our very souls we are just left writhing in pain and that’s how it is now.
At the same time our love is still the same and I know we need to give it…..I’m feeling like that’s my purpose to open up our haven (Sayge’s haven) for other bereaved families, if I can help even 1 other mumma feel less alone, if my darling boy could be in the presence of other kids who’ve lost there brother or sister and meet all the animals etc, we’ll I think that’s creating a better world……
I too so wish you were closer, I would love to hug n cry with you, I’d feel safe, I hope we can do that one day, or talk on the ph for hours even…..
Your home in my mind looks beautiful with all the gums and bush land, all the native animals I so love it…..
I hope you don’t mind me saying you are my own carol king, and thank you so much my friend…..
I’m not a computer person At All so I wouldn’t even know how to start a whatever you called it, but I am here for you to rant to Always.
I’m a bit worried about having put my notes out at the shops, anyway I did it in a brave moment and we’ll see what comes won’t we….
Love to you much love to everyone
Thanks always for listeningvmtheelephantParticipant
Hi @jordanlou, thank you so much for your kind words to all of the fellow posters here who are still hurting through losing their own pets. Your honesty to share these painful feelings from losing Gus is so validating for all of us who’ve lost our best friends, feathery, furry or otherwise.
Thanks also for sharing these small but important ways that you’ve found to keep loving Gus. It’s wonderful to hear that talking about him and learning more about your feelings through this process is helping, and so thoughtful of you to share these discoveries.
Thank you for sharing – it is beautiful that you are supporting and caring for others when you’re grieving yourself. You sound very generous and caring.
I’m sorry to hear about your loss of your Mum and how difficult things have been for you. Losing a parent can be such a profound loss, particularly when they are the last of your birth family. My thoughts are with you.
I am also sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed. If you would like some more support, our helpline is open 8am-8pm Monday to Friday on 1300 845 745, Lifeline’s number is 13 11 14, and BeyondBlue’s number and live webchat are at: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor. Also, feel free to continue sharing here. We would love to hear more from you.
There are also some ideas for coping with grief here, which I’m hoping are helpful to you:
Again, thank you for sharing and for being so supportive.
Hi @debsayge – thank you for your beautiful words of comfort and support. I’m sorry for your loss of your beautiful Sayge, and I’m grateful for your generous support of others in the community.
Hi @Moon – thank you for sharing the Timshel song. I listened to that song on repeat for weeks after an extremely difficult loss. I found it comforting, and I hope our community is comforted too.
Music and nature can be such soothing influences.
Thank you to both of you for being such generous spirits. My thoughts are with you both.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of your dog. It sounds like the last week was extremely difficult for you and her, and that her last moments are really sticking with you. Thank you so much for sharing.
What was your dog’s name? And what was she like?
It can be so difficult when pets die, especially when they are suffering and we need to make the decision to put them down. It can be heartbreaking. We have some information on losing a pet here, and I thought the tips on coping looked very practical:
After something this stressful, it can also be helpful to make sure you are taking care of yourself. The self-care resources in this post might be helpful:
Thank you again for sharing.