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Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 418 total)
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  • in reply to: Loss of a Loved One #18532
    VM-Michael
    Participant

    Hey SBS, So sorry to hear about your loss – and good on you for having the strength to reach out. So many can’t bring themselves to let out their feelings, or bear to think that others might witness their emotions, so I really want to just say props to you for reaching out.

    Siblings can be especially hard to process because -while you might not even be super close- siblings often have lots more history than a mate… and it’s generally less expected than, say, losing a parent… even when they’re sick, like your brother was.

    I lost my big sister to lung cancer in 2020 – just as Covid was starting, so I at least managed to travel to Wagga and say goodbye.
    I cannot imagine how hard it must’ve been for you not to be able to do that for your brother – but the loss you instinctively felt at his passing speaks volumes.

    I think I know what you mean about being “terrible at grief”… but not to worry, as not many are naturals at it – but you’ve really made a great start by reaching out like you have.

    We’re here for you, mate.

    in reply to: End of a relationship #18282
    Motupatalu
    Participant

    If you feel he is the right one then go and tell him that he need not get scared for what’s going on with him. People when hurt feel the other person won’t like to be with them, or they would not stick to them and make them worse. Tell him that pushing all away from him even a good friend like you won’t work. Try to heal by taking your help. Tell him you won’t get tired for sticking to him and listening to him. Go grab him in your arms and resolve. Also, these days narcissism cases are way too much in the relations. Just in case find out if he is being secrecy since someone from his own family is the cause of his distress like I read here signs of mother son enmeshment

    in reply to: Default Kit #18281
    Ros
    Participant

    Dear Danna
    I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away on November 5th 2021 also from his cancer. Nearly 5 years ago he was diagnosed with a brain tumour. It was the secondary and was successfully removed. However the doctors believed it came from Pete’s lungs. He never complained, tolerated 4 years of continuous treatment until about 3 months ago when he became even more ill. This time it had gone into his liver. After spending 2 weeks in hospital he came home on November the 1st and with the help of palliative care I cared for him here at home until he passed on November 5th.

    I totally understand what you say about feeling you are betraying his memory by throwing out stuff. Some stuff I can get rid of, others I just can’t. Everywhere I look I see him and our little dog who is 14 is also grieving his loss big time. I live on acreage and the loneliness is overwhelming at times. We had built this place into a nature reserve by planting many trees and hopefully making it a sanctuary for birds and wildlife. This is his legacy.

    Facing what lies ahead is really daunting and so hard to imagine without him, but one of the last things he said to me was “I am so so proud of you, you are the love of my life, but for goodness sake do not feel sorry for yourself.” Whenever I do feel sorry for myself, I try and remember those words. By god it’s hard.

    Thinking of you Danna. As someone said to me “you will not get over this, but you will get through it.”

    in reply to: Default Kit #18279
    Danna
    Participant

    Please forgive me for not responding earlier. I am trying to take each day as it comes, but it is very difficult. A bill comes in to be paid, or a text comes up on his phone and I miss him all over again.

    I try not to think about the future as it just seems pointless.

    I have decided to get a pet, a rescue dog, something that needs me as much as I will need them. I can’t stand being in our house alone.

    I throw out his old magazines, I have no use for them, but I feel like I am betraying him, like I am wiping away his existence. I miss him so much.

    in reply to: 1 assault, 3 traumatic deaths, 10 years, empty shell #18278
    Danna
    Participant

    There are people here more qualified to support you than me, but I want to let you know that you are a wonderful person, you are not crap and to stop being so hard on yourself. Have you contacted your employers EAP (Employee Assistance Program) Provider. Anything you tell them is confidential, they cannot even tell your employer that you have made contact. You can speak to them about any issue, it doesn’t have to be work related.
    You sound incredibly strong, but sometimes it is OK to not be strong.

    in reply to: 1 assault, 3 traumatic deaths, 10 years, empty shell #18635
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    There are people here more qualified to support you than me, but I want to let you know that you are a wonderful person, you are not crap and to stop being so hard on yourself. Have you contacted your employers EAP (Employee Assistance Program) Provider. Anything you tell them is confidential, they cannot even tell your employer that you have made contact. You can speak to them about any issue, it doesn’t have to be work related.
    You sound incredibly strong, but sometimes it is OK to not be strong.

    in reply to: I had to say goodbye to my Reason for Being #18277
    Morgana1963
    Participant

    Thank you for the kind words. I am so sorry you are also going through this deverstating loss and pain Lonerboy. It is truly awful and not something i would wish on anyone. I still have very dark sad days, where the pain of Thorin’s passing is as raw and acute as if he left me yesterday, thankfully though those really bad days are lessening and i manage to remember him now with much love and even smiles rather than the endless tears. What helped me more than anything, was learning that the grief we feel is real and we are allowed to feel it. Of course our pain and loss is very much individual and most people will never understand the impact of our loss, but that is where this online community is so wonderful and important in helping us understand we are not alone in what we are feeling. I still talk to Thorie every day, and most nights i will shed a few tears for my little man, but that is part of my healing process, i encourage you to do the same talk to Swizzel as often as you need, she remains safely tucked in your heart and she lives on in all your wonderful memories of her. You like me Lonerboy have been blessed, while this world is often cruel and lonely we were given the greatest gifts of love from our fur children, they are more than just dogs to us the bonds we have with them dont end just because they are no longer here, those bonds do carry on and even now on those really bad days let Swizzel continue to be your reason to carry on. Take care and i do feel for you as you are learning to face days without your precious Swizzel close at hand, i believe it is always going to hurt but we adapt to the loss and we can continue to make both Swizzel and Thorin proud in how we take the love they gave us and continue on in a world we dont always want to face. xxx

    in reply to: I had to say goodbye to my Reason for Being #18276
    Lonerboy
    Participant

    Dear @morgana1963, I have just joined this forum. I am deeply saddened by your story and the loss of your beloved Thorin and my heart goes out to you. Everything you have said resonates with me. I feel your pain. My miniature dachshund, Swizzel, who I had since 3 months old was my raison detré. I don’t particularly like life, as I have mental health issues and I empathise with the troubles of this world. But Swizzel made everything just that much easier to cope with. Now that she is gone I feel hopeless. I feel empty and hollow and everything I used to have an interest in seems trivial and not the same anymore now that she is not with me. It’s been almost 6 weeks since Swizzel had to leave me, and like you, I had to make that heart wrenching decision on her behalf. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I can’t stop grieving and it feels like nothing will ever be the same again. I am thankful for the 16 and a half years off happiness she brought to me. And logically we all know that our companion animals will leave us at some point. But emotionally it’s very hard to accept when that time comes. It’s the emptiness that is left behind which I find so hard to cope with. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings, and that your grief and feelings of loss are valid.

    in reply to: 1 assault, 3 traumatic deaths, 10 years, empty shell #18275
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Possumpie, we wanted to welcome you to the forums and thank you for your compassion to other community members. It seems like you yourself have experienced grief over both living losses and the loss of a loved one (your Dad).

    We’re sorry these things happened to you too. And that you suffer from PTSD as a result of the rape. Many rape victims don’t realise they may also be experiencing disenfranchised grief. We can lose so much as a result of sexual violence – the loss of our identity, loss of trust in other people, loss of faith in certain power structures like law enforcement and the legal system…the list goes on. We hope that you have the support you need to deal with any pain and distress.

    We are really glad you’re here. Reaching out to others with compassion and understanding can be so therapeutic to them and to ourselves – which is something you clearly deserve. We hope you will keep contributing. We are here for you. 🌸

    in reply to: Default Kit #18274
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Danna,

    Welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you at this terribly difficult time. It sounds like you had a very special and close relationship with your husband – the two of you forging your own life together. We can only imagine how hard it must be for you after all the years you spent together. ❤️

    Were you caring for your husband during his 18 months of treatment? The stress and strain of caring for a gravely ill spouse are intense and now coming to terms with his loss would only compound your grief. So, it’s no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed with life in general. Be gentle on yourself and don’t expect too much.

    You mention seeing empty years ahead, but right now it’s probably best not to look too far into the future. When we torment ourselves with things that are out of our control it can make everything feel overwhelming. Try to remind yourself that all you need to do is get through each day. Over time the days will become easier to navigate and the future will sort itself out.
    While you don’t have family, do you have friends you can reach out to? Our article on Coping With Grief has lots of tips, one of them being ‘Force yourself to be around people and do things – even when it feels too hard. Try to have at least one thing in your calendar every day, along with a back-up.’ If this feels like too much at the moment there are lots of other tips in the article which may be helpful. You can find the article here.
    And for your own self-care perhaps some mindfulness may help with the overwhelm. Our ‘Tools for Rest and Relaxation‘ page has some excellent resources. If you’re not a fan of mindful breathing you can try journaling or writing as healing, or try the ‘reflecting on positive experiences’ recording which helps take your mind to a peaceful place to give you some moments of reprieve.

    @Danna
    we hope these coping strategies will be of some help. Most of all we hope that you feel our support. As @Possumpie says – you don’t have to feel alone here. We are here for you.

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 418 total)
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