December 1, 2020 at 1:24 pm #13405
Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.
Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.
Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.
This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.
July 8, 2022 at 8:27 am #21304andyParticipant
I have known my mate for 40years,i drove into his drive way only see him lying on the ground dead,i just froze i didnt know what to do ,so after 10min getting my self together,i contacted the Ambos,so thank my self luckey i found him,iam still to this day thinking about it,how does people cope with this,as iam taking it hard,SO MY GOOD FREINDS ALLWAYS CHECK ON LOVE ONESJuly 11, 2022 at 1:43 am #21310
We wanted to check in and let you know we are here for you. It’s been a few weeks since you posted – on the day you lost your girlfriend. We can only imagine how tough it is for you right now. Hopefully you and your daughter have had support from family and friends since.
At this early stage you’re probably feeling all kinds of things – numbness/confusion/anger/overwhelming sadness… everyone’s grief response is different so whatever yours is just know it’s ok. This article on our Resource Hub may be helpful to understand the symptoms of grief and some ways to cope;
Looking after a child after a loved one has died takes courage and resilience. We hope you are coping with this ok, and that your daughter is bringing you purpose and love to get through each day.
Let us know how you’re faring @jakemay. We are here for you. 🌸🌸July 11, 2022 at 8:55 am #21311siviParticipant
I just lost my beloved Mum. My last parent. Yes she was an old lady, but I’m embarrassed to say I feel like a child in my grief. She had dementia for 15 years, the last nine in a home. It has taken 5 weeks for me to access my tears, and now I just feel completely lost and alone. I feel like I have lost my rudder. Even though she had dementia I realise I was still drawing my strength from her. My life feels like it is suddenly downsized. I feel embarrassed to feel so needy.July 19, 2022 at 5:22 pm #21356
Dear @sivi, I am sorry it has taken some time for you to receive a response here on the forums and my heart is with you as you deal with the loss of your beloved mum. We are glad that you are here and hope we can provide some support now and over the coming days, weeks and months as you traverse your unique grief journey.
It sounds like your mum meant so much to you. When we lose our parents we often feel very vulnerable – like ‘we’ve lost our rudder’ as you so perfectly put it. And it makes little difference whether they were unwell or living with dementia. Your mum gave you life, she nurtured you as a child, created the attachment you are finding it hard to be without and continued to give you strength until her passing. She’s been such an integral part of your being – so it’s understandable that you’re feeling lost and alone and there is really no need to feel embarrassed. Its important to practice self-compassion at this time. Be kind to you just as you would be to someone else in your position.
It sounds like its been a challenging 15 years as you watched your mum battle dementia. Caring for and loving someone who is ill often becomes part of our identity so when they pass we not only lose our loved one but also a part of our identity and we need to grieve both. You may also have been experiencing anticipatory grief – a type of grief often felt by people whose loved ones have long-term, chronic illnesses. The article on our website ‘experiences of grief’ discusses this kind of grief and may give you some supportive information;
I also wanted to give you the link to our article ‘tips for rest and relaxation’ which provides some helpful strategies for practicing self-compassion and self-care.
@sivi – we hope you’ll continue posting here on the forums. We are here for you. 🌸August 3, 2022 at 2:17 am #21512jackiezParticipant
In 2020, as my husband & I were learning to cope with my degenerative disease, David was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer.
We gathered a great medical team. We decided to keep living our lives & meet challenges as they arose.
Always very close, open & honest, we rode the ups & downs together.
We were coping with the ongoing surgery side effects & looking forward to the rollback of C19 restrictions.
Two weeks after David’s 1yr cancer all clear in 2/2022 he contracted the severe form of Japanese Encephalitis Virus from a mosquito bite.
3mths in ICU, fully alert & hoping for recovery from the spinal cord damage. Unfortunately the quadriplegia & need for breathing ventilation was permanent. Plus the nerve damage was extending to the heart electrics.
David chose palliation to journey to heaven on his own terms. Such courage & dignity. His only concern was who would look after me. He passed away peacefully to his favourite music in my arms.
We chose to be open & engage family & friends throughout both journeys. The support & assistance kept both of us sane & the home fires burning.
The second choice to allow trusted journalists from credible media broadcasters to follow David’s story.
This was a difficult added burden, but necessary for information to the public & advocate to the Australian Government.
Both as a registered nurse & wife, I have been an assertive advocate & carer for David’s health & wellbeing.
There’s been battles on many fronts. BS called out, financial strain, extreme exhaustion, feebly coping at home, leading a rehab focus in an ICU environment, & putting together a service that honoured a wonderful man, husband & quiet community achiever.
People say I’m strong, jeez… not.
The grief & pain so crushing I was numb.
In a small country town the plight & death of a such a well loved member touched everyone. After comforting everyone else for weeks I had to withdraw & all but hermit at home & focus on myself.
And you know what, that’s okay.
It is important to make boundaries in many various facets of life & choose to care for yourself. Find what works for you to grieve. Allow & accept that it’s a messy nonlinear journey. Some days are dark, but there is increasing light.
I participated in one of Griefline’s 4 week 2hr counsellor facilitated online groups. The validation of sharing with like others wonderful. Understanding the journey & learned mindful therapies I found very valuable.
David & our memories will be a part of my future, whatever that entails.
I am the author of the ongoing chapters of my life. And to live it to honour him with gratitude, kindness, & happiness in my heart.August 3, 2022 at 12:07 pm #21515katevmParticipant
Just wondering how you are going? You’re not alone! I know you wrote that post 6 months ago but some say grieving can take a lifetime. We are all here for you if you need..I lost my mum 2 months ago and am still struggling.
kvmAugust 8, 2022 at 4:54 pm #21628vmsamParticipant
Thank you reaching out and for sharing your experience with such honesty and openness.
Reading your words, it sounds like you and your husband, David, had such a close and caring relationship together, and that you were an incredible support and advocate for him, through all he went through.
It is great to hear that the Griefline online support group was a positive experience, and the opportunity to connect with others, better understand your grief and learn tools to help you manage was valuable for you. Being able to get support with others who have shared experiences, can be such a powerful opportunity.
You certainly do sound strong to me, and you raise such important points about needing to grieve in your own way and setting boundaries to care for yourself. I like your comment that ‘some days are dark, but there is increasing light’.
Your resolve to be the author of your next stages of life and to honour David by living with positivity is so heartening. Thank you again for sharing.September 22, 2022 at 6:02 pm #22557caz59Participant
Hi I know exactly how you feel,I lost My Beautiful Mum 19 months ago and I Miss My Mum every single day,I am stuck in depression.
I have also lost My Entire Birth Family now😥
Thinking of you too.September 29, 2022 at 11:50 am #22691VM-oceanParticipant
Thank you for sharing – it is beautiful that you are supporting and caring for others when you’re grieving yourself. You sound very generous and caring.
I’m sorry to hear about your loss of your Mum and how difficult things have been for you. Losing a parent can be such a profound loss, particularly when they are the last of your birth family. My thoughts are with you.
I am also sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed. If you would like some more support, our helpline is open 8am-8pm Monday to Friday on 1300 845 745, Lifeline’s number is 13 11 14, and BeyondBlue’s number and live webchat are at: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor. Also, feel free to continue sharing here. We would love to hear more from you.
There are also some ideas for coping with grief here, which I’m hoping are helpful to you:
Again, thank you for sharing and for being so supportive.
Take care.November 19, 2022 at 5:41 pm #23471nicola1042Participant
My grandfather passed away almost two weeks ago and attended the funeral yesterday. This was the first funeral I have been to and the first person I have lost so close to me. He was diagnosed with cancer in March; his treatment did not work, and cancer grew. He was in and out of the hospital and his nursing home since around June and I visited him every once or two weeks. It is very hard to connect with the people around me because they either change the subject or refuse to bring it up. Any tips? Thanks.
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