December 1, 2020 at 1:24 pm #13405onlinecommunityKeymaster
Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.
Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.
Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.
This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.
April 1, 2022 at 7:12 pm #20240[email protected]Participant
I recently lost my partner of 8 years. I am 73 yrs old and the heartache feels as raw as if I’m a teenager. I also lost my husband of 42 years eleven years ago and did attend grief councelling which helped me at the time. But this time it feels different. We were together 24/7 with my partner and in the last 2 years I was also his carer as he had to endure amputation of the leg due to diabetes. His death was sudden in a way as he needed the other leg amputated but refused the op as he did not want to end up in a nursing home or be a burden to me. I didn’t even get the chance to be with him during his last hours. He made me laugh everyday and told me he loved me and called me his beautiful lady. At the moment I feel lost and not complete without having someone to love and care for. I feel as if I will be treated differently without someone by my side. I don’t want to be by myself because I always had someone to love, care for and be a friend to. I feel embarrased to say, at my age, that I have this great need to have someone to love who loves me and tells me he loves me everyday. Is this normal? I cry every night when I go to bed. Someone told me that perhaps I did not grieve properly the first time as I had to be strong for the rest of the family who were going through their own problems and therefore now that I don’t have to be strong for anyone else, my grief of all these years is coming through. It makes sense to me in a way and I know this is going to go on for a while. I still believe he is going to walk through any minute and everything will be fine and I will be able to tell him everything that has been going on in the last few months, then I realise it’s never going to happen and fall to pieces.April 5, 2022 at 12:00 pm #20263VM-ClaireMParticipant
Dear @helenlander thank you for reaching out and sharing your story during this incredibly difficult time. My heart aches to hear of the loss of your beloved partner, and of the grief and loneliness you are experiencing.
Please don’t feel embarrassed by what you are experiencing right now. It’s completely normal to feel lost, alone, and in need of love after losing someone so special. I want to reassure you that although it feels so raw and overwhelming right now, with time and patience you will begin to heal.
Reading your words it’s clear to me that you adored your partner. The small details you shared of your relationship paint a picture of devotion, love, and laughter.
I also see your past resilience shine through with the way you cared for your family after the passing of your husband all those years ago, they were so lucky to have your love and support during that difficult time. It’s reassuring to see you are reaching out for some support for yourself now.
I think it’s important at this time to treat yourself with compassion, kindness, and a touch of curiosity. Sit with your feelings and just experience them without judging yourself, there is no right way to grieve. Some of these resources on our page might help you with this https://griefline.org.au/resources/mindfulness-for-grief/
Once again, thanks for making the leap and reaching out. We are here for you.April 5, 2022 at 12:01 pm #20264VM-ClaireParticipant
Dear @[email protected]
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner and that you’re feeling so raw. I lost my brother to a sudden heart attack 15 years ago and my grandmother last year, and both losses still hurt as we were very close. I think it’s great that you saw a grief counsellor when you lost your husband. I wish I’m seen a counsellor or joined a grief support group at the time.
It must be so hard not having your partner there to talk to. I was reading one of the Griefline articles the other day about how we all experience grief differently. There was a section in there about loss of a partner, if you’re interested.
Don’t be embarrassed about missing his loving words. I think it’s a completely normal feeling to need someone to love and be loved by, and be told that we’re loved every day (especially for women), and that’s at any age.
I hope you have support around you and are finding some coping strategies during such a difficult time. Take care.April 5, 2022 at 12:59 pm #20265VM- thanasis43Participant
Hi @katb, it looks like your post may have been missed when some others came in. If this is the case I’m so sorry that no one has replied to you sooner when you were seeking quick suggestions and I understand that you may now be back at work. It sounds like you have experienced such an awful lot of loss in a very short space of time. You were still grieving your Mum when your Dad passed and obviously still grieving them both when your Mother in Law passed away. It’s not surprising that this latest loss has brought up so many feelings for you again. Grief has a way of compounding.
I’m glad to hear that you have supportive friends and co-workers around you, sharing your grief openly can be key to not letting it further compound.
It’s great that you took the initiative to make a mental health plan with your doctor. Were you able to reschedule the appointment? This article on connecting to healthy routines may also be helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/
Have you found anything particularly useful in helping you get through the workday?
Plenty of people in our community can relate to what you are going through so please keep talking here and know you can also call the Griefline helpline on 1300 845 745.April 5, 2022 at 3:43 pm #20254VM-ClaireParticipant
I’m so sad to hear about the loss of both your parents and now your mother-in-law. I’ve experienced great loss but I can only imagine how hard and painful it would be to lose so many loved ones in such a short space of time.
It’s wonderful that your friends and coworkers are being so supportive. Please don’t be hard on yourself for feeling fragile at such a difficult time. It’s natural to worry about those around you, especially a partner, but it’s so important to take care of yourself. It sounds like that’s exactly what you’re trying to do which shows how strong you are, even if you don’t feel it.
Based on the timeline you are probably back at work now. I hope you were able to find another doctor or make another appointment and they helped you make a mental health plan, and you were able to find a counsellor too. I also hope the pressures of being acting manager were/are manageable given everything you’re going through.
When my brother passed away suddenly, I went through very dark times, but I did find focusing on my strengths and having a routine really helpful. Some of the resources on the Griefline website are about that, if you’re interested.
I also wish I’d gone to a grief counsellor and/or grief support group. There should be groups in your area or online that you can connect to.
Take care @katb and reach out again if you need support.April 10, 2022 at 6:06 pm #20280Henny90Participant
I lost my Dad on 17th of March. Me and my sisters have all been really struggling. We were all close growing up together and our Dad was our protector growing up with an abusive Mother. I’m so lost without him and it brings up so much stuff from my childhood now that he’s gone. All I can think about is all the things he’s missing out on and that he’s not here when I’m excited to tell him about the milestones and new things my developmentally delayed 2 year old is doing/learning. I’m in isolation with Covid and all I do is sit and think about him and miss him. It’s so hard, there’s so many things I’d have told him and talked to him about over the last month. Trying to figure out how to cope knowing he’s gone seems impossible. My sisters, brother in law, neices, nephews and my hubby and son went to Mums place for a roast last Sunday because we were planning to do a Sunday Roast with Dad but he passed on A Wednesday 2 days after we saw him last and my brother in law had Covid but didn’t know so we have all ended up with it, it feels like we weren’t ment to have a Sunday Roast without Dad.April 14, 2022 at 5:53 pm #20328VM-PixleParticipant
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. It seems like he was the rock for you and your sisters. Sounds like you have talked about and shared a lot of experiences together. I can’t begin to imagine how painful it must be to meet as a family when your Dad has left a gaping hole in your life.
It’s natural I think to feel lonely and miss Dad especially when you are isolating right now with Covid. But it also seems that you are a very strong person having come out of difficult relationship when you were young. It’s clear that your loving nature is your strength and that keeps your family together.
Perhaps you can continue the bonds you shared with Dad by writing letters to share what your little son is doing and his milestones.
It is also so important to look after yourself during these difficult times. Please treat yourself with kindness.
I hope you have someone to support you and talk to. You could call the helpline at Griefline on 1300845745 6am to 12 midnight to chat to a friendly volunteer about your feelings. There are also some excellent coping strategies in our article ‘Coping With Grief’ here: https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/
Continue to keep in touch through this online forum and look after your self. We are here listening to you.May 15, 2022 at 7:23 pm #20716tinymintanaParticipant
I lost my older sister yesterday and I am completely lost.
My younger sister paces and grabs her head, and I am trying not to lose my mind.
I’m anxious, frustrated, and angry… I suppose all the cliche things I am meant to be.
I feel angry that I am everything I am supposed to be, I feel angry at cancer for waltzing in and taking her, and I feel angry that the world keeps going.
Sorry, I do not know where to begin, what to say, or how. I lost my father four years ago but I never felt this way. I have no idea how to deal with anything.May 18, 2022 at 10:32 pm #20759debsaygeParticipant
I’m really hoping you see this message, ohhh darling how heart wrenching this is and how amazing you are calling for our help….I’m heartbroken after the loss of my beautiful girl Sayge in similar way and my boy Archer like you had lost his amazing creative joyful sister he’s only 16 Sayge is barely 19….and I would only hope somebody would reach out to him when he called for help, brothers and sisters are special, they are your past and future your best friends,and it’s ok to feel how you are, hold on to each other, and cry n cry your tears will heal and help you all even though it feels impossible…no one knows how to do this just know we are here to listen and all these broken hearts are holding you. Please keep in touch there are many here that can feel your pain
XxDebJune 18, 2022 at 11:04 pm #21110jakemayParticipant
i jus lost my girlfriend today n i dont know how im feeling jus looking after our daugther
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