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Lost my partner, it’s been 6 days.

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one Lost my partner, it’s been 6 days.

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  • #26112
    jameser
    Participant

    I don’t really know what I wanted to say here. I’m not doing well. We were together 23 years, we had no children, we tried but it wasn’t to be, our family was our pets that she called our little people.

    Right now I can’t think of a life without her, her last wishes were that I take care of myself and our little people so I’m caring for our little people, not so much myself. Logically I can think that there will come a time where I will be able to get up and eat and do the things I need to do in a day but at the same time I know there isn’t much point to that, just a robot going through the motions. I can’t go to bed without her, I am sleeping though, just a bit at a time, haven’t eaten today and not hungry, I will eat later though.

    My support is my brother and he is 1000km away, he’s doing his best.

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 29 total)
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  • #26127
    VM-monty
    Participant

    Dear @jameser, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your partner and the pain you are undergoing. Losing a loved one is heartbreaking, losing a partner is utterly devastating, and the grief that comes with it can become all-encompassing. In this early phase of your grief journey, it’s important to remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I truly appreciate your willingness to share your feelings here, as it can be a valuable step towards healing I want to let you know, too, that it is normal to feel as though you will be going through the motions of life in such a robotic way as you try to move through this grief and that it is also normal not to want to eat or do anything. Losing a loved one impacts us on every level. It is still very early in your grief journey, and the timeline for healing can be a long and harrowing journey. I hope you know that you don’t have to face this difficult path alone, we are here with you. Talking to someone about your grief can bring some relief and make it a little bit easier to bear. Please feel free to seek additional support by calling the Helpline or using the Booked Call service to speak with someone who can provide understanding and guidance. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and it can make a significant difference in navigating through grief. Take as much time as you need to heal and be kind to yourself.

    #26133
    jameser
    Participant

    Thank you.

    #26135
    jameser
    Participant

    The thing I am struggling with is that she was the reason I did most things. We watched tv so we could talk about the show, the actors etc, now I just put it on for noise and I can’t enjoy it. We have our little family together, we’d feed them and play with them together and now there’s no joy in it. She was smart to have 2 of each animal so they’d always have a friend. Our dog is looking at me like I am supposed to be doing something and I don’t know what it is. We had a special place that we would go for lunch and watch wild birds, she loved to take photo’s. That’s where I am going to spread her ashes.

    I wasn’t a happy person when we met, she made me happy and I spent half my life like that and now I am going back to the miserable way that I was after I promised her I would look after myself and I just can’t. My brother had to talk to me for 2 hours tonight because I was just so miserable, I held up his dinner and his time with his daughter because I couldn’t keep myself together. I just really miss her and there’s no way around that, talking is a distraction and the misery is just waiting for the distraction to stop.

    I was going to try and sleep in bed tonight but I can’t.

    #26136
    vmpercy
    Participant

    Hey @jameser,

    I’m really sorry about what you’re going through. It sounds like you and your partner had a lot of good times together, especially with your pets and watching TV. Those moments matter. It’s hard when someone who meant so much is gone, and things feel empty. It’s okay to feel this way.

    Your brother sounds like he’s there for you, even if he’s far away. It’s good to talk when you’re feeling down. We’re here for you too. Remember, it’s okay to feel lost and to miss her.

    Do you think doing something in her memory might help a bit? Maybe watching a show she liked or spending time at the place you both loved? We’re here to listen and help however we can.

    #26138
    jameser
    Participant

    She was what gave everything else it’s flavour. I’m hopefully past the self pity part of grieving, there is nothing I can do to bring her back and I know I will miss her forever. She did leave me with a purpose and our little family to love and love me. I don’t know if I will ever enjoy doing the things I used to do, most of it was just to make her smile, doesn’t hold much joy now.

    I’m trying to remember the happy times and just the little things about her that made her special. It’s hard with a brain fog but I know it’ll come back.

    #26141
    vmpercy
    Participant

    Hey @jameser,

    I hear you. Losing that “flavour” in life, that special someone who added so much depth and meaning, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. Remembering the good times and all those little things that made her special, even with the brain fog you’re experiencing, is proof of how deeply you cherished your moments together.

    It’s okay if things don’t hold the same joy they used to. Grief isn’t a linear process and can bring waves of different emotions. There might be times where doing something in her memory or honour brings a small sense of comfort, and other times when it’s too painful.

    I can feel your love for her and your “little family” of pets. They, in their own way, are reminders of the bond you both shared. Maybe, in time, they’ll also become bridges to some of the joyful moments. I’m glad you have memories to hold onto and a support system, even if it feels distant at times. We’re here for you, for as long as you need.

    #26144
    jameser
    Participant

    I’m going backwards and forwards on the self pity. I can’t help it, I want to be strong because she wanted me to look after myself but at the same time I know I’m not going to make it. It’s been 11 days and I am keeping busy and trying to look after myself and it’s a pointless exercise, I don’t want to live years without her, I just don’t. I know I can do it, my ability to suffer is pretty high, I just really don’t see the point.

    It’ll probably help to say that I’m not social, I have significant childhood trauma and a psychologist once told me that I never learned that people were safe. We were a lot alike like that, we circled the wagons and made our life together and it was the only good thing I ever did, making her smile, showing that she was worth caring about. For her part she was head over heels for me, I never understood why but the way she looked at me was the most awesome thing. She spent the last weeks of her life crying on my shoulder that I was the only one who ever cared about her and looked after her, loved her.

    I am really very sorry that I involved others in this, I just need to write this out so I don’t bother my brother anymore, he’s got things he needs to do and talking me around every day is not good for his health. I feel sorry for what I have lost, I feel for the things that she is not able to experience, she had a miserable life before she met me and not all the times with me were good. We were coming into some good times, our finances were at a place that we could travel, fix the house up, enjoy ourselves and she never got to experience that. The same thing happened to my mother, she got her dream kitchen right at the point that she couldn’t use it. My love died alone and they wouldn’t tell me if she knew what happened, if she was scared.

    I’m going to do my best for as long as I can, I wont get over her, why would I, I would appreciate it if no one replies to this post again, I can’t see where to delete it.

    #26145
    jameser
    Participant

    We were together 23 years, more than half my life, I can’t see a way forward. I’m not eating or drinking properly and I don’t have the will to change that, just existing and trying to distract myself because when I think about my life now I am hopelessly lost. I will never see her again and I am now just living for myself and that’s no life. I have so much to do and I have no motivation, just sitting with the TV on for noise, one of our favourite shows and I am not following, I can’t follow it really, I think I tried for a while.

    So I start thinking that I could try to go on, eat, drink, study, sleep, get things done around the house and the thought makes me sick. Just doing things because that’s what people do, there isn’t a reason for it. One day I’ll die and it may be days or months or years without her, that much misery and pain just to squeeze out that much time of pain and misery. I haven’t slept in bed for nearly 2 weeks, I sit up til I pass out and I hate waking up.

    I’ve stopped dumping this on my brother, he seems relieved. We are mostly on chat so he can’t hear me cry, wail really. I miss her so much and I keep thinking of the things we were going to do that she will never get to do, the things I don’t want to do without her. If I could follow her I would, I should have tried already.

    #26147
    jameser
    Participant

    I’m struggling with the new forever.

    #26165
    jameser
    Participant

    It’s too hard, everything is too hard. I dont know what to do.

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 29 total)
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