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How to navigate Early Grief, Lost my 6 year old daughter 3 weeks ago.

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one How to navigate Early Grief, Lost my 6 year old daughter 3 weeks ago.

  • Creator
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  • #20342
    grievingmum
    Participant

    My 6 year old daughter had been undergoing chemotherapy for the last 2 years and 4 months for B-ALL at QCH in Brisbane. We were 3 weeks out from ringing the bell, when we discovered she had relapsed. Even though we were devastated at having to return to living at hospital for treatment, there were still many options available to us, our oncologist was optimistic. We were in re-induction preparing for immunotherapy and a BMT, when she suddenly died of a a fungal infection in her brain. It was growing there, as a runny nose, up her sinuses to her brain. 3 days after her 6th birthday she died in ICU. We were in the safest ward, in the safest room. How does this happen? She went from physically strong and well to dead so quickly. How?
    How can I be holding a joyful alive vibrant child one minute, and have nothing but ash the next? How can I be still alive when she is not? It’s wrong. It’s all wrong.
    It’s been 21 days tomorrow morning at 7:30am, since she died. It’s early days yet, but I can’t see the point in anything.
    I can’t see a future where there is any joy. I have 2 other children, her brothers, 9 & 11. Which people are reminding me all the time, as if I’ve forgotten. And I’m sad for them as well, our happy family is shattered.

Viewing 10 replies - 11 through 20 (of 40 total)
  • Author
    Replies
  • #20462
    Moon
    Participant
    #20463
    Moon
    Participant
    • This reply was modified 5 months ago by Moon. Reason: duplicate
    #20465
    VM-Sunflower
    Participant

    This piece of music makes you understand you really don’t always need words.
    Absolutely moving, thank you for sharing Moon. Sometimes leaning into something more creative helps us express the pain inside, doesn’t it?

    #20471
    Moon
    Participant

    Hi grievingmum, sunflower , all. Sorry I didn’t mean to post the same clip twice. I wonder if you also watched this 10yr olds story on abc.
    His mum found his almost finished hand written symphony after he died and asked for help to finish it, I love it

    #20440
    VM-ocean
    Participant

    Hi grievingmum,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a devastating loss of your beautiful daughter – so sudden and unexpected, when it looked like you had a decent chance against cancer. It sounds traumatic on top of such a difficult (and probably exhausting) 2 years and 4 months.

    I also want to thank you for sharing on another person’s post to support them, while you are having such a tough time yourself. That is beautiful and generous of you.

    If you think a face-to-face support group might be helpful, Compassionate Friends supports families whose child has died. A good friend had a lot of support this way. I’ve attached the website for the Queensland organisation, in case you’re interested.

    Support Groups and Contacts

    When I was supporting my young nieces after their mum died, I was exhausted and overwhelmed myself, plus I didn’t know what I should say or do for the girls. It was so helpful when I could ask people (like the social worker at the hospital) for information. The National Centre for Childhood Grief has free counselling programs and information about supporting kids in grief, in case that would be helpful.

    Services

    Again, thank you for sharing – we’re here for you. Sending you kindness.

    #20670
    Moon
    Participant

    Thoughts with you xx

    #20712
    debsayge
    Participant

    Dearest grieving Mumma
    I too am in this terrible place with you, I think it’s incredible that you can even speak out at this time, I still feel incapable of sharing my situation, except to say I totally feel your aching heart as my beautiful Sayge (19) is gone in similar circumstances and I’m in a horrible nightmare, please keep talking if you can as I and others are hearing you
    Loving hugs
    Debxx

    #20806
    debsayge
    Participant

    Dearest broken Mumma
    We are all here with you
    Much love to you all the days
    And nights, all feeling the despair, all together
    CxDeb

    #20850
    childatheart
    Participant

    Hi grievingmum,

    My condolences to you for your loss. Although I may not be able to relate to your situation exactly, I can tell you that my father passed from stomach cancer and so in those terms I relate to your situation with the hospitals and the constant treatments.

    My father was on chemotherapy and then radiology after having major surgery and neither were working. There was some new treatment that had been on trial that had so far proven to be a success on many of the trail patients. My fathers doctor said that there was an opportunity for him to be one of the first people to try the treatment after the trial. They said it would done fairly and a name would be randomly generated by a computer to determine who was the lucky one. The computer picked my father… this is it we thought the light at the end of the tunnel. Sadly some time after being on the new treatment we got the news that it wasn’t working. I remember feeling so angry in that moment wondering why would the universe give us a green light only to give us a red one the next. I mention this because of how you spoke of not understanding why your daughter was fine one minute then not the next. I was looking for answers then so angry so sure that it was going to be our ticket out to freedom and good health but sadly it wasn’t. I was even angrier when my father passed shortly after my mother.

    I spent a lot of time sitting in that anger, trying to find answers of why they died why it was “their time” and the truth is that we may never know why they passed or why we were given hope only to have it taken away the next. I understand your frustrations but please try to not stay too long in the anger because the truth is we just don’t have the answers to why and if we put all our energy and focus into that one thing, it makes the healing process harder and (in my opinion) we end up turning that anger on ourselves which only serves to make matters worse.

    Your daughter was an amazing gift to each other you were the whole world. Nobody and nothing can change that and nobody can take away the love that you have for her. Times are tough and the days are rough I know, but I want to quote my favorite movie the crow “when the people we love are stolen from us, a way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.”

    Sending my love and my thoughts are with you during your difficult time. <3 <3

    #20855
    grievingmum
    Participant

    Thank you for all the supportive responses. I have to say this.. while I appreciate your sentiment childatheart, and I can hear that you are trying to help lessen my pain, or assist me through my grief.. I have not loss my parents.. so I will not pretend to know your grief. But I am talking about my daughter.. a six year old little girl (well, just six as she turned six three days before she died).

    A baby that I hoped for, and yearned to have.. nursed at my breast. Held when she cried. Sang songs too, taught to swim, braided her hair. Kissed her knees when she’d fall over. A real person. With best friends, likes and dislikes, dreams and hopes for the future. She wanted to be a doctor, a mother.

    She will never have a first kiss. Graduate from high school. Learn to tie her shoelaces or read a book. She embodied joy and life. She wanted to play, and love, and travel.

    You speak about anger, and how it doesn’t serve to sit with it. And wondering why it is “their time”. It was NOT her time. And I am angry.. and it is right that I should be so.
    My love for her was unmeasurable.. so it makes sense that my grief is the same. I am angry that there are cars on the road, people go to work. I am angry that there are classrooms of Preppies all over the world, filled with ALIVE children. You act like there will ever be a time when I will sit comfortably with the fact that my beautiful, sweet, smart girl is not breathing. I will not.

    It is unnatural and wrong for your child to die before you. Now I am facing a lifetime sentence of pain and agony. I’m having a lot of feelings, anger and unfairness is definitely in the mix. Despair and hopelessness is in there too. It is right that I am feeling this, it is a testament to the incredible love I hold for her. It would be unnatural to not feel it.

Viewing 10 replies - 11 through 20 (of 40 total)
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