Alone, limited support

Resize text-+=

Home Forums Loss of a loved one Alone, limited support

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #15683
    dpowell3840
    Participant

    Hi everyone
    I have never done this before. I am desperate . 17 years ago I watched my father pass away from a 11 year battle with cancer. I had no friends to support me. Less than 4 months ago I unexpectedly watched my Mum pass away. It was sudden but not sudden.

    I am struggling at the moment. My friends are too busy or don’t want to know. I have tried to reach out to people but no one has responded. I am not partnered, no kids. People that are in my life are too busy or don’t want to talk about death. I am not even 40 years old.

    I just don’t know what to do. I am seeing a psychologist but due to lockdown, appointments, work, etc I haven’t seen her nearly two months and earliest I can see her is 30th June.

Viewing 4 replies - 11 through 14 (of 14 total)
  • Author
    Replies
  • #15699
    dpowell3840
    Participant

    Thank you. I am just not sure what to do anymore. I have been thinking for a few weeks about leaving my current job for various reasons but i am thinking I need to leave for the sake my own mind. I am trying not to think things and do quick judgements on things. I want to make the right decision and all but that is another issue.

    It’s a shame that grief is almost like a taboo subject. I thought I was going alright and then in the last few days it’s hit me almost like to first thing of when my Mum died a few months ago. I have been able to be put onto a wait list for a grief counsellor so I have that coming up, it’s a two month waiting list, but I am seeing my Psychologist next week and can go from there again. It’s a shame that while I have been trying to reach out to others which I am trying to do, with family and friends, they aren’t being there for me.

    I was at work today and a few times I had to remind myself to take a few deep breaths in, before saying something. I am scared to say things in case it’s said the wrong way and I snap at the wrong person and in my job, that is the last thing I want to do and need to do. I wanted to snap angrily at people, they hadn’t done anything wrong or said anything wrong but it was at that specific time, I wanted to snap and had to be careful.

    #15697
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @dpowell3840, it sounds like you are really struggling with feelings of being misunderstood and rejected. Sometimes you just need to be with people who ‘get you’ and this is usually through shared experience. So perhaps a support group would be helpful. If you would like some referrals for groups or organisations near you please feel free to reach out to us at [email protected]. We will do our best to connect you with further support.

    We are here for you. 🌸

    #15691
    dpowell3840
    Participant

    Thank you.

    I am just feeling even more alone. I publicly let family and friends know on social media and it’s been a mixed response, many backing away thinking this is too much to deal with. Well that’s what I think they are thinking. The ones that say that talk to me anytime, they are the people that don’t have little or nothing to do with me I might as well know them as strangers. One person who I have talked about this too who now messages me once a day has said, grief is very taboo. I agree. I am trying to be with people, people don’t want to be with me. I have NO FRIENDS to spend time with. They live elsewhere and not locally. I can only spend time with the few friends that will want to talk to me, online when its convenient. I had one person message me last night saying checking in wanted to see how were. When I replied, ok’ish, she was like ok and no reply back. I want to share but no one will give me the time of day. I am almost counting down the hours til I see my psychologist next week. Thank you for providing the links, I will look into that.

    #15690
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @dpowell3840, a warm welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you for the recent loss of your mother and the protracted and traumatic loss of your father 17 years ago. We are glad you have come to a place of shared experience and understanding – especially considering the lack of response from those around you and the desperation you are feeling right now.

    Unfortunately, the experience of being isolated in our grief is common. People around us seem incapable of, or unwilling to even think about it, let alone sit with the discomfort to support us. While this perception is often true it’s not always.. you might find some insight into this in the article ‘Coping with Grief’ on our Resource Hub. It acknowledges that we often unknowingly turn away from the thing that might help us most…other people, because we mistakenly feel like no one understands us, we have to do this on our own, or that we’re a burden to others. The writer points out that the benefits of sharing our pain with others almost always override the drawbacks and gives a number of tips for seeking comfort and help from others.
    Another helpful resource might be this article “In Search of Lost Strengths” Part 1 and Part 2. It will help you to run an inventory of sorts across your support network to identify the gaps and suggests ways to go about filling them. These tools will hopefully support you at least through the next week or so until you see your Psychologist.

    We are so glad that you are arming yourself with a number of tools like this online support group and your psychologist. It’s clear that you are trying your very best to safely navigate your grief journey. Please keep posting and let us know how you are you going. We are here for you @dpowell3840. 🌸

Viewing 4 replies - 11 through 14 (of 14 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
Scroll to Top

Subscribe to our newsletter

Enter your details to to stay up to date with our news and programs
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.