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Dear Livvy,
How terribly sad and, as you say, unfortunate.
My mother has rescue donkeys, so I feel a bit of an affinity here with you and the loss of your horse. It is important to notice that you are going through the first stages of grief, a major one being guilt. You also say you and your horse did not receive the appropriate level of care.
If you hadn’t have loved her dearly, you wouldn’t be posting to this forum.
You say, “I also feel guilty that I didn’t get her put down’. Perhaps you believed in supporting her life and not unnecessarily ending it?
Tell me about your beautiful horse and how you came to be connected? Horses are very particular about who they make loving bonds with and excellent judges of character.