Reply To: My sweet Sayge

[debsayge]

Hello all grieving/mourning friends
Thank you Sapphire for checking in with me, I’m so grateful to you all, volunteers for your validation to all us saddest people, I’m always impressed with your loving kindness, as I know how hard it feels to express our deep sad feelings, as for me I’ve never been validated or understood at all so I say things from a deep hurt place and then worry that it didn’t sound right or something, anyway!!!
So dear Sapphire, I’ve been struggling, my loss of my Sayge is a profound shocking wound, I’m in such disbelief she has been so loved, and became such a strong healthy wholehearted girl, unfettered by all the shortcommings ( no disrespect intended) of the kids these days, thriving on our farm loving and caring for our animals everyday, we need her so much just can’t fathom what happened at all….I’ve had to get through Sayge’s birthday on the 14/11 Sayge should have turned 21, I could never ever have imagined that this could be!
As Sayge has always been my greatest friend and supporter, my protector from a really mean and uncaring family, (of origin) always on my side but with a deep respect and knowing of me and acceptance all things I’ve never known, living without her feels impossible, there’s something about having such a meaningful loving close relationship with a daughter, that I just can’t fathom how this could be for us, especially as I had yearned for this with my own mother and tried and tried to heal it…….and had the opposite it all feels cruelly unfair and so wrong.
Also have been abandoned by hollow people full of I’ll help you, which I’d feel cared for and sort of hopeful but they then do nothing, it’s happened over and over and I feel it’s shameful people really don’t care about us or have any care for my Sayge, it feels hopeless…..of course this time of year like last year for our family has always made beautiful presents for each other, homemade everything’s, beautifully worded homemade cards …..it’s all just too heart wrenching …..like last year the day will come an go and will be horrible and lonely, we can’t do the day at all…..
Thanks for listening
So much light to all reading
Love to you
XxDeb