I am so sorry for your loss, I can hear the pain in your words, that sounds like such a traumatic event that it is completely understandable you feel this way. This happened just a few short months ago, practically yesterday in terms of time, and given how this has impacted your life and your plans for retirement, your family, everything around you, I can only imagine the whirlwind you are living within.
Firstly, I just wanted to reach out and let you know you’re not alone. None of us are in your shoes, but we’ve all felt a little of that whirlwind in our own lives and can at least empathise with some of the feelings you’re bearing. Griefline is here to help in this time, so that when that ton of bricks falls, you have someone to help lift you up and hold your hand. Please, keep coming back here and sharing with us, so many here in the forums have been or are where you feel you are today – it helps to know you’re not alone in the darkness, at least a little.
Grief is many things, but simple and quick are not two of them. And living with grief is a long and winding road at times. There are no magic shortcuts, but there are absolutely some signposts along the way that make the journey a little easier. I’m going to suggest a couple of those here, in case this helps.
1. It helps to start understanding the way forward and what you can do to help yourself. There are some great resources on the Griefline site, such as Coping with grief (https://griefline.org.au/resources/understanding-the-symptoms-of-grief/) and Grief recovery (https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-1-in-search-of-lost-strengths/) – that’s part 1, there is a part 2 that also helps more.
2. It’s also really important to make use of the supports available to you. The Griefline helpline is available Monday to Friday, and is free. The forums are here 24/7, with great supports from many who’ve shared those roads with you. Of course there are also grief supports available in many places, and grief counselling can also help. Please, don’t go through this on your own – make use of those who are ready and willing to share this with you.
I know I’ve said a lot, so I’ll stop at this point – but please do come back and let us know how you are going. I hope you find something useful out of this, and we can talk more soon.