Reply To: Buried my son on xmas eve

[Moon]

Hi all (Deb xx) was a beautiful sunny day here, think I needed the vitamin D to lift my mood, thank you my son…
Sorry for my silence, I’ve thought often of sharing here, but have been experiencing many emotions which take time to decipher sometimes, yeah?!
Last week it was national “R U Ok” day – nope I’m not, will never be more than just alright if I’m lucky.
So rang a friend and asked if she was ” ok” ?, she said not, bit flat, exhausted. So glad I did.
This afternoon we watched the sunset on the highest rock point overlooking my bushland, and I just said what I wanted to say to the gumtrees and the cockatoos, as did she.
Felt so cathartic. I “cuckooed” away my anger and frustration and voices of birds echoed me back.
I’m going to follow all of you, be by your side, but want to close this thread I started.
9 months ago I was preparing for my son’s death, he spent 9 months in my womb, so I shall rebirth him again, not as ‘buried my son’ but rather how I know he’s beside me.
I want to delete this thread and start a new one ok, think my son is telling me to do so xx
Ps Deb I love this so much, had to repeat here

To a parent, your child wasn’t just a person: your child was a place, a kind of Narnia, a vast eternal place where the present you were living and the past you remembered and the future you longed for all existed at once.
From: Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste NG