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Oh my, I’ve been sobbing all day long, I can’t turn off the tap today. Nothing specific happened, just feels like an explosion within.
I was sitting on the deck with my budgie and uninvited tears were running down my cheeks again . Oh how I miss my child…so very much.
We had 2 border collies, 2 cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, budgies etc, the noisy ginger cat is the last survivor, keeps me focused somehow.
But even he turns away if I’m sobbing silently. Makes me feel like I’m broken and unworthy. Yet he’ll still come steal my pillow at night.
I’d like to insert swear words here, I’m just not in the mood for more Mother days’ sales ok. I’m a mother without her child yeah.,,
My son is buried next to my parents, he’s got good neighbours, I’m not sure if I want to visit next week, or any time soon sorry.
My sons’ dad, my ex since forever, arranged the plaque, which none of his siblings were ok with, so I’ve only visited his site whilst the I laid flowers where still blooming
He’s not there, he is here with me. I catch brief glances of his presence when I least expect it. I wait for those moments of intimate, however brief moments of solace.
I can’t help but think of my father in his dying days, so humble, always caring about others first, that was my son also. So many words left unsaid.
so I write here in place, thanks for listening, I’ll share more music, if that’s ok, it’s my language xxx