Dear @Boeee302, welcome to the forums. Our hearts are with you ❤️. Losing a beloved companion after so many years must be incredibly difficult.
It sounds like you are in acute grief right now, so the emotions might feel excruciating and the thoughts and images extremely hard to take. Though it might sound absurd – what you’re going through is your unique and natural grief response. It’s how your mind and body are adapting and coping with this loss. It may feel scary right now but hold on – things will shift and become more and more bearable.
The best way to keep going is to reach out to other people for support so that you don’t feel alone in this experience. That’s why we’re so pleased you’ve posted on the forums. There will be others here who identify with your pain. It’s also very helpful to reach out to others close to you. Some will be good to talk with, while others can help you with practical things to help get you through this critical time.
With regards to the traumatic memories and imagery in your mind, David Kessler – a recognised grief expert, suggests shifting your mind from overwhelming thoughts to sending love to your loved one. When you feel helpless you need to do something active. So continue to actively love him – close your eyes, think of him in a happy place and in your mind say to him “I’m sending you love. I’m surrounding you with love.” Repeat it until you feel a bit calmer.
Griefline has more coping tools on our resource hub including this audio recording to help you reflect on positive experiences.
@Boeee302, we hope this helps in some way. Please post again and tell us what’s happening for you. We are here for you. 🌸