Dear @Jemi, welcome to the forums. Our hearts are with you – this is an awful lot for one person to deal with. It’s heartbreaking to hear you so down on yourself despite withstanding so much loss and trauma in your life.
We wonder if you were to read a similar post by another community member would you be so critical of them? Or would you feel compassion for all that they have been through and be impressed that they continue to soldier on and do the best they can? …Sometimes it’s a good idea to step out of the overwhelm, stand back and look at ourselves from another person’s perspective to get a clearer picture.
And because things aren’t going well at work it’s likely your self-worth has taken a hit. Yet we see so many character strengths in you just from reading your post – resilience, determination, appreciation, work ethic… It’s easy to lose sight of our personal strengths at times like these but when we rediscover them and engage them we feel empowered to get a few wins and find hope again. The VIA character strengths survey in our ‘In Search of Lost Strengths Part 2’ article is a great evidence-based tool for realising the many things you have to offer.
We’re glad to see that you have equipped yourself with self-care resources including seeing a therapist. And we wonder how much grief work you have done? You have experienced multiple profound losses all in quick succession sometimes leads to complex grief. And living a very busy life with lots of responsibilities might have impacted your ability to carve out time to really process that grief.
It often takes a multi-layered approach and there may be some additional resources you could tap into …things like art therapy, writing as a way of healing or a support group. It might be a good idea to speak with your psych about what extra supports are suitable.
In the meantime, we hope that you can treat yourself with kindness because you deserve it. The self-care tools on our rest and relaxation page here might be a good start.
@Jemi, please keep in touch and let us know how you’re going. We are here for you. 🌸