Hi @uncertifiedsandy, thank you for sharing your grief experience with us here on the forums. Your story is of losing a beloved friend is heart-wrenching. It’s been a week now since your world came crashing down once the realisation of what happened hit you. And it sounds like it opened your eyes to the reality of how you’ve resorted to some destructive coping mechanisms in order to keep avoiding the grief.
We’re checking in a week later to see how things are going for you and to offer our support. After a year of willing yourself to be strong it’s little wonder your resolve finally gave way. Losing a friendship like you described can result in grief that is tricky to manage – you are experiencing a living loss which can leave us unsettled and perhaps anxious about how life will unfold now. You can read a little more about relationship loss here on our Resource Hub including this explanation of how abandonment can affect us;
“Do not believe that loneliness means you are unloved, inadequate or unwanted. Loneliness is a feeling it is not a fact. Our brains are wired to respond to fear of abandonment, which stems from very early experiences or fears as a child. An incident or memory can trigger this anxiety, sparking negative feelings or thoughts about ourselves …Although it may feel uncomfortable, if you feel lonely, reach out and connect with a friend and organise to catch up with them. Some of those old thought patterns may want to repeat, such as the belief that I am unlovable or unworthy. If these thoughts or feelings come up, just remind yourself that they are just old thoughts, feelings or ideas and that you do not have to listen or respond to them”.
You might also like to take a look at our mindfulness for grief page… which describes activities designed to allow you to feel the emotions rather than avoid them.
@uncertifiedsandy we hope these tools help and would love to hear how you are going this week. Take care. We are here for you. 🌸