Hi SadDaugher2021, it sounds as though you had a very special relationship with your dad and it’s great that you are reaching out to his wife.
I’m not sure how you solve your dilemma. I noticed, in my own family, a tendency for some to believe that there is some kind of hierarchy of hurt and that they are feeling the loss more than any one else – this made me feel a little dismissed. Grief affects us all in so many different ways. I understand the desire to discuss this with your dad’s wife, but I’m not sure it will help. Perhaps you will have to be a little selfish in your grieving and focus on yourself and your own loss.